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Well in response to my first comment on my Quest for comments (which disappointedly was from a no-account hack) I decided I would make good on his request to post a little more substance for the time being as a good-faith effort to show that I was serious about responding to comments. So I decided I would amuse you all with a few of the searches that individuals have made and unsuspectingly stumbled upon our site, I’ll quote their search and then give any comments I may have for the individuals who made these searches and this way if someone searches for these things again they will find something close to what they are looking for. So without further ado I give you the searches (I couldn’t go back too far due to the limitations of our site tracker, but that’s okay we don’t pay for it).

SEARCH 1: “pictures of akasha dancing in the bar”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER: Yeah those were some wild and crazy times back then when I took those pictures of Akasha, but due to nasty federal regulations and ambiguity on what exactly constitutes “obscene” viewing materials these days I was forced to remove these and they are now only available on the VIP version of the dynamic duo which is available for only $9.99 a month. With this upgraded service you not only get all the hottest photos of akasha dancing in bars, but also some steamy correspondence between Ultrabob and Michael Moore, and a tantalizing look at his pig-nose turtle Bender (whom he insists on calling Beaker) shell and all!

SEARCH 2: “margot tennenbaum pictures”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER”
See comments on search 1

SEARCH 3: “nasty comebacks to mean people”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER
That’s good that you are trying to stand up for yourself, so I guess I will give you a few tips, but use these carefully…. Tip 1: Turnabout is fair play, if someone says for example “You are a drunk”, a crafty reply is to remark (seemingly off-the-cuff) “No….. YOU are the drunk!” This is brilliant because as you can see it’s quite the 180. This also applies to less direct remarks, such as if someone says “You paid way too much for that car” you can wittily rejoin with such gems as “YOU paid too much for my car” or alternatively “Maybe the car paid too much for YOU”. This will generally leave these mean people speechless, and as such I use this method constantly and to great success, most people just shake their heads in admiration and defeat and wonder off looking at me askance and muttering to themselves. Tip 2: Redirection, this comeback principle operates primarily along the lines of the procedure laid out in Tip 1, however in this case instead of saying to the arresting officer “no, YOU’VE had too much to drink tonight!” you would instead reply “Your MOM had too much to drink tonight”. (Dynamic Duo claims no responsibility for resulting police brutality). So there you go! Glad to give you what you are looking for. I just pray these secrets never fall into the hands of the very mean people upon whom you wish to inflict this nastiness, what will we do if they decide to try and fight back?

SEARCH 4: “comebacks for nasty people”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
Oh you mean people are crafty I’ll give you that… but there’s no help for you here, oh and don’t read the tips I gave for SEARCH 3, that’s privileged information you big bullies.

SEARCH 5: “not available in stores”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
You’ve come to the right place my friend, whether you are looking for weapons-grade plutonium, grade-A opium, or merely specially issued commemorative CD’s and plates, we have it all. Merely enroll in the Premium membership plan details in my reply to SEARCH 1. (Note to governmental agencies: This is a flagrant lie, I just want to sucker these people and take their money.)

SEARCH 6: “dancing monkey animation”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
Ah yes, clearly you are a discerning gentleman of impeccable taste that recognizes the refinement and elegance to be found in the viewing of a dancing monkey animation, well sir I’m glad to be of service. As you will undoubtedly notice, there is just such a dancing monkey animation on the lower portion of my half of the page. I’ll be happy to field any specific questions you may have about the monkey in question.

SEARCH 7: “dancing monkey toy”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
Well yes, I HAVE been planning a line of action figures based on our popular dancing monkey. Thank you for asking, however without the proper investors this project will never get off the ground I’m sad to say. For a chance to be a part of this exciting opportunity I invite you to look at the details of the project (currently available only to our VIP subscribers).

SEARCH 8: “louis vuitton takashi bags release date”

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
I appreciate your inquiry into the fine product offered by louis vuitton and commend your taste for being interested in the takashi bag in particular, but due to the fact that I have had Mr. Vuitton ask me not to release any information about his products on this page I regretfully must decline to help you out here. Oh yeah, and I also don’t have a slightest idea what a takashi bag is or who louis vuitton is….

Well folks, that’s all for now, there are a few more promising searches and more will come in the future I’m sure, if you enjoyed this segment let me know and I’ll consider doing it at regular intervals, but right now it’s 3:00 in the morning so I must get my rest.