In a shocking press release today the Federal Marshalls have just revealed that they have in fact been placing all individuals from the witness protection program in one town. “It’s just that after a while it got to be such a hassle,” a confidential source reported to The Dynamic Duo, ” I mean we had to hide everyone all carefully in all these different towns, and finally we just said the hell with it!” As it turns out the program (currently working with over 4,000 individuals) has been sticking everyone in the small town of Notus, Idaho. “I know that in retrospect this seems like a rather obvious codename,” admitted Marshalls Director Robert Finland, ” but at the time it seemed like a harmless inside joke among the staff.” This inside joke turned to tragedy after a mob hitter somehow cracked this elaborate code and was able to penetrate the town. “I really doubt that it would have been quite as bad,” commented Bob Jones (not his real name), ” but after a while it was like the program wasn’t even trying anymore, I mean it was ridiculous, the guy across the street was named Didnot Ratonthemafia!” ” I’ll admit that there were some further precautions that could perhaps have been taken, but overall I still think our department did a hell of a job.”, said Director Finland. ” I mean these types of mistakes happen, we just have to press on and try to uphold that standard of excellence which has come to be associated with the program!” Anyone interested in talking to actual program participants are invited to the annual picnic/barbeque in Hidden Valley, NC.
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At the Zoo
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