The Dynamic Duo

Today, frankly, was a combo productive/head banging type of day for me. I am finally getting on more of an even keel after suddenly losing both of my inmate clerks last week at work. I had worked with these guys for about a year, so it was a big shock to me when they were suddenly packed up and sent to Cedar Prison. Even worse is that I cannot seem to find out what happened. But I have since hired two new guys, and I think they are going to work out okay, though its much harder training two that one. This aspect of my job is always very stressful to me, and kind of “pulls the rug out from under my feet” for a few days or weeks. I’m not supposed to care what happens to these guys, but after working with them daily for such a long time, that is pretty much impossible.
We have a new caseworker at the prison now; before that we were without one for quite some time. In that inbetween time, when I hired a new inmate clerk, I took “kites” (or applications), had officers help me weed them out, conducted interviews of the ones I wanted to talk to, and let the LT know who I wanted to hire. Now it is all “per A.R.” (Administrative Regulation). All job assignments or changes have to go before a committee. This committee consists of the caseworker, an officer, (should be the LT), a rep from NDF (Nevada division of forestry, who is in charge of inmate work crews) and, in this case, me, since I am the one who needs an employee. We sat at a long lunch table in the culinary, and the potentials were asked in one at a time. The CW then proceeded to list a history of their crimes and grill them about current work and attitudes. Much of it seemed to me unnecessarily humiliating. Finally it came time for me to ask my questions, of which there were three: Are you are strong person, whom other people could not influence? (Of course, the answer was always an emphatic “Yes!”) Do you get regular money sent from home, so you are not tempted by what I have in the store? (answers vary from ‘yes’, to “I don’t need much.”) and Are you a hard worker? (they all are). I knew whom I wanted to hire going in, and was relieved when noone had objections to my choices. I was glad to make my escape before they got too far into the process of selecting an “Education clerk” after firing the last one for his inability to keep the restroom clean enough.
I have been thinking lately that maybe it is time for me to seriously start considering a new job/career. I know, some of you are thinking, “Isn’t she a little old for this? Shouldn’t she be thinking about knitting some afghans or something?”The answer to that would be obvious for anyone who had seen me attempt a creative effort of that magnitude, for which I lack both the skill and the stick-to-it-iveness. Or else you are thinking “Aren’t you already doing that? What is this going back to school thing all about?” And yes, I will have to develop some degree of stick-to-it-iveness after all.
I am well into my two trial ‘back to school’ college classes. I find, contrary to my fears, that I have not become terribly stupid in the intervening 30 years or so, despite my difficulty in committing things to memory, which used to be quite easy for me. I am doing pretty well, and am quite enjoying my Political Science class (good teacher), though my online music class is rather horrible. The syllabus states that the class includes “ear training” but in fact, it has no audio component to it whatsoever. Even worse, once my transcripts from my 30 year ago college experience had been translated and applied to my current attempts, I find that I don’t even NEED this stupid music class. Thanks for nothing, Phil, the guidance counselor.
Speaking of Phil, I had an appointment with him today. I had seen fliers on the campus announcing a career workshop today. I called and registered for it, and thought it seemed a good time to schedule with Phil to go over what I was doing and where I should go next.
I showed up for my appointment promptly at 1:00 P.M. After a brief wait, my file was pulled and Phil and I were discussing my future. As we chatted amiably, Phil was sympathetic to my situation at work. You may remember that Phil and I share similar personality types, and one of our traits is listening and empathy. After a bit, I realized we had fallen into the trap I recalled from previous appointments of exchanging INFP personality anecdotes while my future went largely undiscussed. I jerkily rambled about the topic, mentioning tentative majors of radiology, nursing and business, while lamenting my age and the time and resources it would take to actually achieve a degree in one of these areas.
“So, why do you want to get a degree?” he asked me. I shakily replied that I really didn’t know. Basically I just wanted to be able to support myself doing something I enjoyed.

I must have mentioned the farm in Idaho, because I suddenly realized we were now deeply involved in a conversation about how gratifying it was to care for baby animals. I steered the talk back to classes I may or may not need to take. “Have you ever thought about taking an art class?” Phil asked.
“Uh, no. I’m quite hopeless at art,” I replied, kind of puzzled by the question.
“Well, so am I, but I think I might be ready to take one,” he revealed animatedly. “I have a black lab, and I find myself noticing how the lights and shadows reflect……I knew someone who drew a black Cadillac on black velvet with a white pen….a black Cadillac with a white pen! Can you imagine?”
Intense feelings of deju vu struck me as I recalled having this exact conversation with Phil the last time I had come in. As fascinating as were his artistic observations of the outer world, I decided it was time for me to go. “I have a Career Workshop to attend at 2:00,” I interrupted. “It’s nearly that time. Can you tell me where this place is?” pulling a copy of the flier out of my book.
“It’s here,” he said in confusion. “Keitha! Is there a career workshop here right now?”
“Yes,” said the office manager, poking her head around the door.
“Did we have anyone sign up for it this time?” asked Phil.
“Yes,” repeated Keitha. “We have Kathy.”
I followed Keitha around the corner to a small room containing 10 or so computers. “You can just take some of these skill or interest inventory tests, if you want to,” she told me. Then we can print off the results; careers will be suggested based on the answers you give.” I fumbled my way through rating ‘skills’ I found interesting or important. We printed some stuff off. Then Keitha told me I could access the same programs from home. I selected a few career exploration books to check out and, per my usual M.O., renew a few times and return unread. Looking at the check-out sheet, only one other person had checked books out from the career center since I last had in mid-summer. Then I left.

It was a beautiful day, weather wise, and I spent the next several hours checking ‘things to do in town’ off my list. I ordered my new prescription reading glasses, hoping that having the vision corrected per eye (they are each different) will bring back my pleasure in reading. I picked up some medical prescriptions. I got a new book on CD from the public library, and I stopped by the Weightwatcher meeting, even though it was not my week to work, to chat with my coworkers. All of that, coupled with an invigorating walk with the ‘boys’ this morning has put 13,406 steps on my pedometer.

So, no, I still don’t know what I want to do, but I am becoming a little more aware of what I enjoy. I want, what I do, to make a difference (hopefully for the better) in someone’s life. I want to interact with people in a positive way (but only if I like them.) I want to feel fulfilled and competent and appreciated. I want enough variety and activity that I’m not bored, but not so much that I’m overwhelmed. I want to be able to support myself, and better yet, support my husband. In short, I guess I want the land of dreams and rainbows.

I noticed today that there is another guidance counselor in that office. Maybe next time I’ll ask for Pat.

The same old UltraMom