The Dynamic Duo

Okay, Dynamic Duo readers, have I kept you in suspense long enough? Unfortunately, the “cats” are still a pretty touchy subject with me. The weather is turning colder (today it is the wind), and I HATE making them stay outside when all they want in life is to come in the house and sack out on a nice soft bed.
But UtraBob agrees with his heartless father that the cats are better off outdoors. Come to think of it, UB always did have it in for the cats. I remember one summer day many years ago…...................

Little UtraBobby had learned a new skill. It was one that made him very proud and made his mother very happy also. He had FINALLY learned to use the potty chair, and was almost ready for the big commode. I believe what finally turned the tide in the “potty training” crusade was a little book about Elmer the Elephant entitled “I’m a Big Boy Now”. Over and over again my precocious son would beg to hear the tale of the smart little elephant who learned to stop going “potty” in his pants and to use the potty chair. On the last page of the book, Elmer is proudly showing off his new training pants, which had taken the place of the babyish diapers.
That was all well and good, and UB imitated his elephant hero quite successfully for a time, but he was always on the lookout for new experiences, and he decided that the ultimate would be to “go Potty” outdoors! “UltraMom” he whined, ” I have to go potty really bad right now. Can I just go potty outside?”
“No, Honey. We are only two steps from the house. Come on in and use your potty chair like a good boy.” UltraMom wheedled.
Well, UB gave in that time, but soon he could think of little else but the “forbidden fruit”............
Fast forward to a few days later when UltraMom was, as usual, scurrying about trying, but failing, to actually get something done. UB decided that this would be a good time to set the record straight. “I didn’t go potty outside”. he began.
“That’s good”, UM muttered distractedly.
“No, I really didn’t. And if you see some poop outside, it wasn’t me.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No, see, right over there? That poop? That wasn’t me. The cat did it.”
By now, UtraMom, while not the smartest “cookie in the book” (one of Jim’s favorite sayings to denote someone not too swift on the uptake) was beginning to have some suspicions. Especially when viewing “Exhibit A”, excrement of decidedly uncatlike proportions.
And so, little UBob got in trouble (he had to tell his dad), and the cats were saved, because, quite frankly, I didn’t believe him. And from then on, he has tried to blame all of his shortcomings on the innocent cats. I only wish he would stop sharpening his claws on the furniture and leaving dead mice laying about.

As Ever,
UltraMom