The Dynamic Duo

First of all, I’d like to welcome my favorite nephew as a reader. Thanks, Billie, for your pithy comments, your golfing encouragement, and good luck on your bar exam. We recently were able to attend the wedding of said favorite nephew to a wonderful girl, Brandi, also a law school graduate; and it will be useful, I think, to have 2 attorneys in the family. No particular reason.
Now, I would just like to say that when UltraBob first recruited me as a “guest DuoPerson” that he said I could write about ANYTHING I wanted. But he has done nothing but nag, criticize and threaten me with bodily harm. All because my choice of topic hasn’t been…shall we say…....always very flattering to certain people. At least that was his opinion; I thought I was fondly relating adorable childhood foibles. After his last threat “Will Be SHOT”, I went into hiding, moving from place to place, and only confiding in a very few trusted friends. But since I have run out of money (and food) I have decided to be brave and take a stand. With moral support from my new best friends Kirsten and “The Cook”, and the fact that there is an ocean between UltraMom and UltraBob for the present, I have decided to give the people what they want. My public has a right to know!

The Birthday Party.

Chapter 1:”Lets Have a Party!”
“Oh, UltraMom, I will soon be 10 years old. Could I please have a sleepover birthday party with all of my friends to celebrate this momentous event?” wheedled UltraBob.
“Well, Son,” said Ultramom uncertainly, “Lets not forget about your unfortunate habit. No, not that one. The one where you suddenly get up in the middle of the night without waking up and proceed to walk about the house in an agitated manner, and have no memory of it in the morning.”
“Oh, Mom, you worry too much. Come on, lets make the plans. I want to invite everyone in my class at school, all 10 of them. And we can have party games, and ice cream sundaes. It will be such fun!”
“Well, all right, Honey, but only the boys can spend the night. No, I’m pretty firm on this one.”
“Well, okay”, sighed UltraBob, “But I like the girls better, especially Melanie.”

Chapter 2: A Little Background Information
The big day arrived, and the party was soon to begin. UltraMom had left no stone unturned to make sure that this birthday would be one to remember. The party was to be held in the “Log Building”. This was an addition to the trailor house that the family lived in built out of, of all things, LOGS. It contained a small room, that was, or soon would be, UltraBob’s bedroom, and a larger room that was to be the bedroom of the UltraParents. At this time there was no bed there, just some couches and a few chairs. A freestanding woodburning stove with a fan attached, was one of the main attractions, primarily because it was the only source of heat. And UltraBob had the temerity to be born in January, in the middle of Idaho’s winter, which is usually quite a cold and snowy time of year.

Chapter 3: The Party
The big day arrived, January 5! The school bus stopped in front of the house, and a jolly collection of boys and girls trouped of the bus, noisily anticipating some birthday fun. The party went pretty well; UltraBob got a lot of cool presents, and everyone seemed to enjoy the party games that UltraMom had gone to so much trouble to plan (it is NOT her forte) The party goers enjoyed the hot dogs, chips and soda and the big tub of ice cream (on which UltraMom had clevery written “Happy Birthday Bob” with a frosting tube, and in which she had stuck 10 lighted candles). Finally to Bob’s dismay, it was time to take the girls home, and the boys rolled out their sleeping bags and prepared to stay awake all night.

Chapter 4: The Unfortunate Habit
UltraMom was concerned that the boys might get cold, so she had REALLY stoked up the fire before leaving the boys alone for the night. FINALLY the hulabaloo seemed to somewhat subside, and she decide she had better have one more look in to make sure the fire was still going.
It was still going all right. That place was like a furnace. All the boys were asleep, but the sleeping bags were open wide, everyone had stripped down to their underwear, and noone was in any danger of contracting pneumonia. UltraBob and his best friend Gregg were both on the couch. At least Bob and HALF of Gregg were on the couch. When an effort was made to make his position a little more secure, Gregg fell off onto the floor, where he continued to doze happily. But UltraBob suddenly jumped up from his bed of slumber in alarm. UltraMom, who was a little more than alarmed herself, followed him as he frantically went into his bedroom as if he just had to find something. He opened drawer after drawer, frantically pawing through the items until, finally, he triumphantly found the object of his quest: a pair of undershorts. Quickly, he slipped the underwear over his head, with his head out one leghole. He expertly shot one arm out the other, and became very perturbed when there was no hole left for his other arm. There was no reasoning with him, and at last UltraMom kindly and lovingly led him to the bathroom where there was a mirror, so that he could see for himself how ridiculous he looked. Well, that did the trick. UltraBob tore the offending underwear off over his head and allowed himself to be led back to the Birthday Room couch where he slept peacefully til morning, at which time he had no recollection of the evening’s activities.

Chapter 5: Happily Ever After
And so, UltraBob was ever so grateful to his wonderful mother for the fabulous birthday party and for all the other kind and generous things she was always doing to make him happy, and he promised to never shoot her, and never get mad at her when she used a little creative license (but only a little) to relate cute little childhood incidents, because he knows that she loves him very much.
The End