Musings on an Insomniac: UltraMom makes an appearance
Sunday, April 4th, 2010
For several reasons I find myself wide awake at 1:43 AM, and this is what I think: might as well get up and write a long overdue post! I used to count myself fortunate that, though I often got to bed late, when I DID get there, I slept like a top, or like a charm, or like a person that slept well. Maybe the age-thing is starting to catch up with me. Or maybe it’s because just when I start to doze off, one poodle or another suddenly needs to go out. And when I get back to bed, pointless movies play round in my head. You know the ones that remind me how very much I should have gotten done today and how very much I HAVE to get done tomorrow. The ones that say ‘Are you really sure about this nursing thing? I mean you’re doing okay, but do you really think you’re going to like working at it day in and day out?’ And of course the ‘what if’ movies, concerning my life, and the lives of those I love. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my sister and all she’s going through and how very remarkable she is and if there’s anything I can do to make it easier.
Tomorrow is Easter, and I will celebrate it by going to church and having dinner with UltraDad and Pat, followed by an afternoon of studying. With some nostalgia I remember Easters past: coloring eggs and hiding them for excited children to find. Filling cleaned & saved margerine tubs with cellophane grass, colorful candy, pinwheels and bottles of bubbles. Preparing a turkey or ham for a big family gathering later in the day. Turning plain round cake layers into a cake shaped like a rabbit to amaze and astound gullible children who at least pretended to believe this transformation had been accomplished by the Easter Bunny. Getting up early to attend the annual Easter Breakfast put on by the teens of our church; many years my kids were involved, which meant I had to get up early to make sure they got up early! Then there was usually an Easter Program at church, again involving the kids, and the Easter Service with the story of the Resurrection and all the familiar Easter hymns.
But as they say, the only certain thing in life is change. At times it seemed as though I would forever be cooking large meals and arbitrating fights. Now it seems as I will be forever missing my kids(and grandkid), worrying about UltraDad and trying to juggle work, school and time for me. But I know that this too will come to an end and I will enter a new phase of life. Hopefully one where I am able to sleep!
I too miss the Easters at home. I’m sure you will be a great nurse. Happy Easter everybody!
I had nights like that before; the ‘what if’ movie went on and on in my head till morning. But I remember most of the times the reality was better than what was written in the movie.
Thanks Heather. And Thanks UltraGirl. It’s true that usually the bad things we worry about happening aren’t nearly so bad once they actually happen! For some reason, I’m really tired today!
And we ended up just having dinner at home cause Pat is really sick, just in time for HER week of Spring Break! Now I’m spending the afternoon working on homework and wishing I was somewhere else:)
I like UltraGirl’s philosophy! I hope you had a nice Easter even if not as carefree as one might like.
A great philosopher once said, “If you’re feeling kind of blue, and you don’t know what to do, just grab a board and surf down a hump of snow.”
I think that part may apply to you. In the interest of completeness, the rest of the mantra was, “If you’re feeling kind of green, and you don’t know what to bean, just grab a board and surf down a hump of grass.”