Try rising to new depths of extreme laziness to the point where you can actually feel your muscles atrophying a little each day. THEN, sign up for an all-day flag football tournament. Do you have muscles in your teeth or eyelids? If not, I guess they were going thru sympathy pains due to the extreme agony the rest of my body was experiencing.
-John

Sorry about the alliteration... it's a hard habit to break. Well today I had to give a presentation in one of my classes about a pretty big research paper that I wrote this semester on Civil Asset Forfeiture (for those of you interested in learning what this is or what's wrong with it comment and I'll either post it on our site as a Word attachment... if this is possible... Bob? Or I'll email it too you) and I don't think I did very well. My presentation was limited to 10 minutes which I didn't think was very fair since they had originally indicated that it would be 12 minutes... but either way it wouldn't have been nearly enough time. In my paper I went into the history of Civil Asset Forfeiture and told all about its evolution in the U.S. and finally what is wrong with it. That's an awful lot of material to cover, and the only preparation I did was reading through my paper the hour before I had to present. Needless to say my time management could have stood for some improvement. I barely got through explaining what it is and what the law is today in America when my professor held up the 2 minutes left sign so I had to really rush through what was intended to be the meat and potatoes of my paper, the criticisms of the policy. A couple of people told me afterwards that I did a good job, but I was a lot more nervous than I had thought I would be. Mainly though I just felt pissed because I feel pretty strongly about the abolition of Civil Asset Forfeiture after doing all of my research and I would have liked to have got the message out there a little more. Oh well though, at least it's over with and as a bonus (well depending on your preference I guess) it gave me something to make a little post about today. I'm going to leave you with a little joke that the Sheriff of Ada County told in a presentation he made to one of my classes today:

The CIA, FBI, and LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best crime fighters, so the President sets up a test to find out which one really is. For the test he releases a rabbit into the forest and tells each agency to go in and catch it.

The CIA set up a network of animal informants in the forest, questioned all plant and mineral witnesses, and after 3 months of extensive research determined that there are no such things as rabbits, never have been such a thing as rabbits, and that more funds are required to assess the forests capabilities of possibly creating rabbits in the future.

The FBI went in after two weeks of no leads and burned down the entire forest killing the rabbit and everything else. They made no apologizes claiming thatthe rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD immediately went into the forest after the rabbit and came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear, who was overheard saying "Okay, Okay! I'm a rabbit...."

I thought that was great. Alright well I'm off to the movies now, I'll catch you all later

Man I can't believe it, a major political figure (Ralph Nader) spoke at my campus tonight and I could have got in for free. Yet I didn't go, neither did anyone I know, in fact except for this one hippie chick passing out flyers for it I never heard it discussed at all. The man was the primary third candidate in a Presidential election for Gods sake! Even if he hadn't been in the election, he's a huge advocate of consumer rights and small business, both things which a lot of people would be interested in (if they had interests). I mean seriously what is wrong with my generation? My country is in a war right now, a freakin war for crying out loud! And yet on campus, outside of the occasional reference, you wouldn't even know it. I mean sure, when war was pending we had a peace demonstration (garnered about 100 people) and then we had a war demonstration (garnered about 100 people). Aside from this pathetic turnout it has just been life as usual, I guess no one has the energy for social concerns anymore. Maybe you are thinking "Geez John that sucks... but maybe your campus is just self-centered and only cares about local issues?" Well you are wrong my friend. We just had a student election. We have over 17,000 students attending our university and guess what kind of voter turnout we had? About 900 people voted.... 900!! Now I'm no rocket scientist, but according to my calculations that's less than a 5% turnout. Now it's true that Boise State is largely made up of non-traditional students, but so what? These people are in chare of appropriating something like $150,000 for student programs and clubs. That seems like an awful lot of money for us to let people handle without even considering who stands for what, and what they will support. What do you think has led to this state of affairs in America? I mean this isn't just a Boise State University Problem, or a Boise problem, or an Idaho problem. I think the problem is that nothing seems to impact us directly, nothing seems quite real. The news we see on t.v. seems just like everything else we see on t.v. Unless it's my family, or me personally what do I care? It's ironic that I'm the one who is posting about this, and let me tell you why. I'm the guy that just takes whatever classes I need to get by, and tries to get the easiest professors regardless of whether this is going to help me learn or not. I'm the guy who didn't vote in the last Presidential election, much less the Boise State one. I'm the guy who belongs to no student organizations, volunteers for nothing, does no independent research, and has no real hobbies to speak of. I'm the guy who started this post 2 freakin weeks ago and is just now finally forcing himself to finish it! Yeah that's right, it's ironic that I am posting about Apathy (in a negative light) seeing as how I'm its poster-boy. I don't care about anything and I never get involved. I don't watch out for my neighbors and I don't meet new people! It's ridiculous and I for one vow to change... if I can ever make myself care....

I just got back from watching The Recruit at the dollar theater and I have a few insights, to share with anyone who's interested, concerning a general trend in cinema. You see I also recently watched The Hunted with Benicio Del Torro and Tommy Lee Jones and have come to the startling conclusion that all new plot ideas for movies are being summarily rejected in favor of ones which have been proven successful in the past. The prime example of this is The Hunted, a story about a veteran from special ops who has been having flashbacks from combat experience and surprise surprise, might just be a little crazy. So he is hiding out in the woods and kills some hunters who he thinks are after him, so who can the authorities turn to in their need to catch him? Why the man who trained him of course... Anybody else seeing a similarity here? Why didn't they just call the film Rambo Revisited, then they could skipped the elaborate back-story (approximately 43 seconds of the film). Now I don't want to be too harsh, there are some obvious differences between this film and Rambo, Rambo didn't suck for instance. Also Sylvester Stallone was a good actor, no offense to award winning Benicio Del Torro, but he not only successfully suppressed his accent for the film but also any actual acting ability he may possess. Of course to be fair to him he did have to work with the dialogue (if you are so charitable to call it that) that they gave him. I wish I had the script right here in front of me so that I could quote it exactly because I can't make it suck quite as bad as they did, I'm just not that talented. The most poignant speech given was when Del Torro was talking to a little girl and explaining to her how to track, by showing her the squirrel tracks in the grass when they here her cat meowing or something and the girl asks something about whether they should get the cat and he says "no, he is hunting too". Now let's forget for a second that this is an obvious attempt to make the audience think this guy is a real badass and all in sync with nature and whatnot, let's focus on the fact that this statement made no sense. He's hunting TOO? Too as in addition to? Well that would be all fine and dandy except for the fact that Benicio and the girl weren't hunting... The best lines from Tommy Lee Jones were nothing but an impassioned recital of the Colonel's speech in Rambo. "How many men are you willing to lose?.... You better get a good supply of body bags because if you go after him like that then that's what you're going to need". The other things I have to say about the movie are more about why it so colossally sucked, rather than how it was the Cheap Taiwanese Generic version of Rambo, so I will skim over these briefly. Tommy Lee is chasing after Del Torro as are about 400 FBI agents and miscellaneous other agencies, and yet not only is Tommy Lee the one that finds him (with enough time to spare to engage in drawn out combat) but they both have time to stop along the way and make their own knife. Tommy chips his out of rock (I'm like... "Tommy, they aren't after you, you can just hop on down to a Sporting Goods Store and buy a real knife.. and do it a hell of a lot faster than you can chip that piece of crap out of stone"), and Del Torro goes all out, heating up metal and pounding it into the shape... I guess the FBI must not be exceedingly fast huh? Then there are the fight scenes where the camera jerks around and the only real dialogue is both characters grunting loudly every few seconds or making some kind of sound showing pain when they are cut (approximately 56 times each).

This and other numerous examples have convinced me that reincarnation is alive and well in the cinematic world (although Rambo must have had some seriously bad karma to have come back like that steaming pile). But less you think that old movie plots are the only ones that are being revisited, let me remind you of the countless remakes that we get, even from movies that weren't good the first time around, Mr. Deeds I'm talking to you. But aside from this, even recent movies have been shamelessly ripped off. I'm speaking of The Recruit of course, which was actually an entertaining enough movie, but it had some striking similarities to a few movies (actually a lot more I'm sure but these two just came to mind). Despite being the typical spy thriller with all the cloak and dagger, figure out what's going on, type of stuff, this through in a little touch of Insomnia, in the form of the very star of Insomnia, Al Pacino who was afflicted with that same condition in this film. Also we got a good deal of Matrix paraphrasing, "come through the looking glass, nothing you know is real, everything is a test, blah blah blah". So yeah good times. Anyway, I think I've written about enough about this but if any of the rest of you have noticed this type of trend and want to comment or would just like to bitch about how bad some movie or another sucks please feel free to do it here, I would really enjoy to find out that I'm not (or am) alone in this.

Hey fellas,

I wonder how many of the loyal viewers to the Dynamic Duo even feel like they get a chance to know me through my writing, or even realize that I am in fact the purported other half to the duo and not just an occasional guest writer. This is because as inspired as I may get about this project at times, I always seem to lack the motivation and drive to make regular posts. This is one area where I will freely admit that Bob is better than I. He has irons in all kinds of fires and keeps them all red-hot, whereas I only have one iron and it just smolders on the coals. He seems to be able to motivate himself far easier than I can and he really sticks with what he starts. That's a quality I really admire, I often wish that I were more driven and dedicated to succeeding to my full potential, but I just don't do it, despite my occasional resolutions to do so.

The reason I post about this now is that I just got done reading an excellent book by Charles Dickens, namely David Copperfield, in which the main character asserts that the only secret to any success that he may have is that he totally immerses himself and all of his abilities in whatever he decides to accomplish. He says that if something is not worth everything you have to give then you should be doing something that is. This got me to thinking about my own life and how I have a tendency to just drift through life, with an unconscious Hollywood spawned self-certainty that good things will fall into my lap. This is of course absurd, but I need to consciously recognize this and endeavor to change.

Having gained so much self-knowledge and realization through this book I was hoping that some of our readers can share what it is that motivates them, what helps them to push and give their all in what they pursue? So help me out everyone let me know the secrets to your success, whether it is a certain someone who just inspires you or just a remarkable self-will, I would really like to know!

Hey all, glad to be back with you, sorry it took me so long, and sorry that this issue is going to be addressed in a more serious fashion, but I think that the issue should be addressed in manner appropriate with its' humor.

The good news is that I am not going to be addressing the imminent conflict between the U.S. and Iraq; I shamefully admit that I am not as abreast with all of the current issues and relevant factors on this to take an informed position or statement. What I choose to address today is something that I am intimately aware of, the constraint which academe has upon the freedom of thought and expression.

What brought this to my mind is a class I am currently taking at BSU, know as CJA 489, or Senior Tutorial. In this class it is our task to (allegedly independently) research an issue within our field, and then present a paper to our class on the subject. The reason why I say our independence in this research is alleged is due to several different constraints which have been placed upon us by our instructors, or more aptly, our department. First are the guidelines for paper length (15 to 20 pages) and the minimum requirements for the sources we must have for this paper (20 peer-reviewed articles at a minimum), along with our designation onto how these papers can be designed, either literature review or position. However this is not a major point of contention for me as I realize that it is certainly necessary to have some guidelines in any academic endeavor wherein the participants (in this case the students in the class) are not necessarily very intrinsically motivated to accomplish their goals and are merely in it for the grade.

My main point of contention is this, the extreme oversight I have experienced in the composition of my paper, not only must it follow a carefully constructed guideline as far as my abstract and introduction are concerned, but I was required to meet with someone at the writing center (which I did today) whose suggestions for revision I am supposed to follow as a component of my grade for the course. This is where I have a problem. I am a senior, this is a senior level class, this is supposed to be tantamount to individual research, and yet not only am I being forced to undergo review by someone, which I would be okay with as I admit to making as many errors of syntax and grammar as the next person, but I have been directed to act upon her recommendations, as if she were more intimate with my topic and the points which I feel need to be expressed than I am.

As it is she recommended that I either drastically revise my paper, or change it from a position paper to one of literature revue. Her basis? The first half of my paper is devoted to an explanation of the history, theory, and contemporary practice of my topic (civil asset forfeiture) and the second half of my paper (in which I painstakingly point out the key fundamental flaws with this practice) is not expressed in a tone which is argumentative enough for her taste. For the sake of argument, let us forget that this paper is designed to be a professional work for submission to peers within my field of study and as such adopts a properly academic tone rather than ranting and raving like a zealot, let's forget that in order to critique a current practice you must express an understanding of how it came about and exactly how it currently operates, and let's forget that I know far better than this reviewer exactly what should and should not be included in this paper as I was the one who researched it to excruciating detail. Let's forget all that. I still have a major problem with this.... does anyone else see it? It is this: This is my work, my paper, my presentation, my thoughts, and my argument. Therefore why should I defer to her on any point which I disagree on substance? If I feel that the proper way to best express my point is one way and she feels it is another, why must I automatically assume that hers is the correct stylistic form? The simple answer is that I don't, won't, and shouldn't, and have sent my instructor an email objecting on these grounds.

This may seem like I am simply ranting and raving because I am mad with the comments which were made by this reviewer (who lacked both an intimate knowledge of my subject matter and the guidelines I was directed to follow by my instructor) but let me assure you that the fact that I am angry aside (for I am angry) I still have key fundamental problems with this form of "independent research". By the time I am a senior shouldn't it be assumed that I am perfectly capable of editing my own written works on my own and designating which changes must be made and where and how? Why is it that our academic institutions, which profess to be pillars of "higher learning" must marginalize our intellectual product and analogously force us to squeeze a round peg into a square hole? Why have I seen an influx of multiple choice testing and a decline in essay and argument? I think it is because the ridged structure of higher education is becoming more robotic and mechanical, trying to maximize their product through homogenization rather than diversity. Agree, disagree? Let me know.

THE EMAIL I SENT TO MY INSTRUCTOR

I have a few questions for you concerning my Senior Tutorial paper, and the
WACRATS program. First of all I was hoping to clarify whether or not I
should include the Bible and the Constitution on my citation page (the
writing center told me not to). Second I was wondering if you could direct
me to a source which could let me know how I should, according to department
guidelines, cite sections of the U.S. Criminal Code and House Resolutions.

As for the WACRATS programs I would like to know to what degree I should
defer my own judgment to that of the WACRAT I met with? It seems to me that
in some cases I am better acquainted with what you are expecting from us in
our papers that she is. For example, she tried to correct the format of my
title page, which is exactly as you assigned it to be and has been approved
by you. Another example is my introduction which followed the funnel method
and was approved by you, which she suggested I change entirely. There are
other additional differences between what the WACRAT suggested to us and
what we are directed to do according to the department website, but I won't
get into these unless you ask me to.

Finally, the WACRAT has suggested that I either drastically revise my paper
in order to make it an effective position paper, or change it to a
literature review paper which would require minor changes. Obviously you
can't know the strength or weakness of my current format without reading my
paper, but I will tell you the basic structure which it has at present:
Historical roots of Asset forfeiture (1 page), Asset Forfeiture in modern
times (1 page), Development and evolution of asset forfeiture in U.S.
including current legislation (3 pages), Brief description (for purposes of
differentiation) of types of asset forfeiture (1 page, description and
examination of theory and practice of Civil Asset forfeiture in particular
(1 page), Information on how a civil asset forfeiture is contested (1 page),
criticisms and inconsistencies inherent in civil asset forfeiture (9 pages),
examination of modern reform attempts (1 page), and finally a concluding
paragraph. I felt that this was a proper format to construct for an opinion
paper which was to be heavily grounded in research, please let me know what
you think.

I felt that in order to directly address asset forfeiture it was important
to lay out a background explaining how it came about, how it has been used,
and how it is currently used before I examined what was wrong with it. The
WACRAT disagreed and seemed to think that I should have devoted my entire
paper to arguing against the practice without explaining the history,
theory, and/or context. As you can probably tell I disagree with her
analysis as far as it concerns the general construction of my paper and as
such I was hoping you could let me know how much it would affect my grade if
I keep my the structure of my paper much as a I have it, and focus on errors
and corrections of grammar and syntax. I appreciate your response in this
matter and would be glad to come and talk to you about it at your
convenience.

RESPONSE FROM MY INSTRUCTOR

I recieved my professors response to my email and will copy and paste it here. I was very pleased with his response.

"Sorry that the WACRATS experience seems frustrating to you. It's been kind of
hit and miss with them. Some students have told me they have really helped, but
others, as yourself are confused by the conflicting messages between them and
me.

Remember, I never see what the WACRAT has done to your paper. So you can use
your discretion to determine what is good advice from the WACRAT and what is
not. I would leave your intro as is, as I felt it was good. I would also use
JCJE formatting despite what the WACRAT may have told you. For sources that are
not specifically addressed in JCJE formatting, make up you own rule for
formatting and stick with it.

In terms of the content of your paper, I think it makes sense to start off with
background and context of asset forfeiture--but you'll need to get to the
position rather quickly--say by the first five pages or so.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have other concerns."

I'm sorry if this post was boring or irrelevant to any of you, but I was feeling rather strongly about it and wanted to let people know.

Hey all,

Just thought it was about time for another post, but darn my hide I just can't think of anything to write about. This is rather embarrassing considering the diverse and seemingly effortless posts many other bloggers make which (I'm ashamed to say) clearly outshine my best efforts on a regular basis. So in an effort to keep the few of you (all glorious and supremely attractive individuals) who currently view our site coming back I decided that I would force myself to post even if the best I come up with is a circular discussion of how I can think of nothing to post about. Isn't it great when you let your fingers type what you are thinking without the usual "does this make sense" filter in between thought and words?

Hey here's one thing I was thinking about tonight, WARNING! IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE USUAL SUSPECT DO NOT READ THIS PARAGRAPH! Okay then, seriously stop reading if you haven't seen the show or you will be ruining a great one for yourself. Fine, keep reading then, but I wash my hands of it. Okay as you all know the pseudo-cripple Verbal Kent (played by Kevin Spacey) turns out to be the mastermind Keiser Solzaic, and the whole movie long while Verbal is being interrogated by Agent Kuyong the agent keeps saying how dumb Verbal is and that's the reason he is being used by another character... and yet as far as Agent Kuyong knows Verbal is just a conman, and the one who masterminded the first robbery of the movie (on the police escort service). Okay first of all, I think that most conmen are pretty sharp, otherwise they probably wouldn't con too many people. And second of all if Verbal is the one who masterminded the robbery and Agent Kuyong knows this then why is he constantly thinking that Verbal is so stupid? That just doesn't seem to make sense to me. Oh well, I doubt the rest of you care about this at all, but it was just bothering me. I can get really anal about little things in movies like that sometimes.

Well that was a pretty pointless post and I'd like to think that I offered no intelligent reading for anyone, but it's about 2:30 in the morning now so I think I'll go to bed irregardless. I promise I'll do better next time though, stay with me!

Well I accomplished my goal of getting at least 5 comments on my post which I entirely devoted to that task, and yet Bob has over 10 comments on a post which merely added 1 search to the list which I went over on a subsequent post. I went through and replied to the searcher of each and yet I only get two comments on this masterfully done work, whereas Bob's piggy-back post got over ten... I'm not bitter, I was just a bit confused as to why this might be, but then it came to me, it was quite simple really. Bob is a member of the Free Masons and the have conspired against me. Okay that would be kind of cool, but the reality is that I think it was all a result of his off-the-cuff statement "Anyway, #1 for “girlfriend+heavier+than+me” beat that if you can” In doing so he inadvertently laid down the gauntlet, and weird searches have indeed come in, so beat him you have, however I would like to quickly update our most recent searches just to try and climb us up the ranks past The Delicious Young Prince. So without further adieu,

"inflating university grades" <-- The Dynamic duo has proudly been doing this since 1994

"pictures of the sexiest duo" <-- apparently I am so sexy that I more than compensate for Bob's gross deformities (not enough to bring us too the top though, we are 8th in this search on yahoo)

"phillipine candy" <-- We are the one and only result on a google search proving once and for all that we are the tasty treat of the Phillipines.... however I should qualify this statement by mentioning that most people probably spell PhiliPPines right.

"dynamic duo" ironically enough we come in at around 8th in this search (really the result was for our .info address but I guess they made it here anyways)

"queen of the damned eye makeup gold" <-- currently we are the 5th highest result, proving once again that my idea of marketing hellish gold cosmetics was a boon to this site.

Well that's it for now, but I'll keep you updated as the new arrivals come in. We would be interested to hear the oddest searches you have had lead to your own site, or if you are one these searches who stumbles upon us, tell us if you found what you were looking for ;)

Well in response to my first comment on my Quest for comments (which disappointedly was from a no-account hack) I decided I would make good on his request to post a little more substance for the time being as a good-faith effort to show that I was serious about responding to comments. So I decided I would amuse you all with a few of the searches that individuals have made and unsuspectingly stumbled upon our site, I'll quote their search and then give any comments I may have for the individuals who made these searches and this way if someone searches for these things again they will find something close to what they are looking for. So without further ado I give you the searches (I couldn't go back too far due to the limitations of our site tracker, but that's okay we don't pay for it).

SEARCH 1: "pictures of akasha dancing in the bar"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER: Yeah those were some wild and crazy times back then when I took those pictures of Akasha, but due to nasty federal regulations and ambiguity on what exactly constitutes "obscene" viewing materials these days I was forced to remove these and they are now only available on the VIP version of the dynamic duo which is available for only $9.99 a month. With this upgraded service you not only get all the hottest photos of akasha dancing in bars, but also some steamy correspondence between Ultrabob and Michael Moore, and a tantalizing look at his pig-nose turtle Bender (whom he insists on calling Beaker) shell and all!

SEARCH 2: "margot tennenbaum pictures"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER"
See comments on search 1

SEARCH 3: "nasty comebacks to mean people"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER
That's good that you are trying to stand up for yourself, so I guess I will give you a few tips, but use these carefully.... Tip 1: Turnabout is fair play, if someone says for example "You are a drunk", a crafty reply is to remark (seemingly off-the-cuff) "No..... YOU are the drunk!" This is brilliant because as you can see it's quite the 180. This also applies to less direct remarks, such as if someone says "You paid way too much for that car" you can wittily rejoin with such gems as "YOU paid too much for my car" or alternatively "Maybe the car paid too much for YOU". This will generally leave these mean people speechless, and as such I use this method constantly and to great success, most people just shake their heads in admiration and defeat and wonder off looking at me askance and muttering to themselves. Tip 2: Redirection, this comeback principle operates primarily along the lines of the procedure laid out in Tip 1, however in this case instead of saying to the arresting officer "no, YOU'VE had too much to drink tonight!" you would instead reply "Your MOM had too much to drink tonight". (Dynamic Duo claims no responsibility for resulting police brutality). So there you go! Glad to give you what you are looking for. I just pray these secrets never fall into the hands of the very mean people upon whom you wish to inflict this nastiness, what will we do if they decide to try and fight back?

SEARCH 4: "comebacks for nasty people"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
Oh you mean people are crafty I'll give you that... but there's no help for you here, oh and don't read the tips I gave for SEARCH 3, that's privileged information you big bullies.

SEARCH 5: "not available in stores"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
You've come to the right place my friend, whether you are looking for weapons-grade plutonium, grade-A opium, or merely specially issued commemorative CD's and plates, we have it all. Merely enroll in the Premium membership plan details in my reply to SEARCH 1. (Note to governmental agencies: This is a flagrant lie, I just want to sucker these people and take their money.)

SEARCH 6: "dancing monkey animation"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
Ah yes, clearly you are a discerning gentleman of impeccable taste that recognizes the refinement and elegance to be found in the viewing of a dancing monkey animation, well sir I'm glad to be of service. As you will undoubtedly notice, there is just such a dancing monkey animation on the lower portion of my half of the page. I'll be happy to field any specific questions you may have about the monkey in question.

SEARCH 7: "dancing monkey toy"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
Well yes, I HAVE been planning a line of action figures based on our popular dancing monkey. Thank you for asking, however without the proper investors this project will never get off the ground I'm sad to say. For a chance to be a part of this exciting opportunity I invite you to look at the details of the project (currently available only to our VIP subscribers).

SEARCH 8: "louis vuitton takashi bags release date"

MESSAGE TO SEARCHER:
I appreciate your inquiry into the fine product offered by louis vuitton and commend your taste for being interested in the takashi bag in particular, but due to the fact that I have had Mr. Vuitton ask me not to release any information about his products on this page I regretfully must decline to help you out here. Oh yeah, and I also don't have a slightest idea what a takashi bag is or who louis vuitton is....

Well folks, that's all for now, there are a few more promising searches and more will come in the future I'm sure, if you enjoyed this segment let me know and I'll consider doing it at regular intervals, but right now it's 3:00 in the morning so I must get my rest.

Hello all of you Ghost viewers out there on the www,

I want this post to be a little informative to you all. I just want to explain something that my brother and I, and his blogging friends know only too well. Comments are the lifeblood of our industry! The only thing that makes it worth the time and effort to post (not to mention all the effort Bob puts into the construction and improvement of the site) is a little bit of feedback from our viewing audience. Without this our nearly 2,000 hits mean nothing to us. For all we know these could just be people who searched google for "nasty combacks (intentional misspell on my part)" or "real prada bags" or "skeleton Olympics" and merely glanced at our site before deciding we didn't actually have what they were looking for and moved on. So I have decided to post a challenge to any of you out there who have actually taken the time to read some of our site, whether you enjoy it or not (although you must think SOMETHING of it if you are even reading this) to just leave us a little feedback. It is particularly inspiring when it comes from people we don't know, but I'll take what I can get. So just too clarify, if you look at the bottom of this post you will see a little link that says "comments" just click on that link and leave a little message it will take you 30 seconds and make my day. If you would like to see some changes on our site, or have recommendations, slanderous insults, political differences with us... whatever the case may be, just let us know. A few words might drastically impact the way our site is run. I will personally respond to every single comment that we get that, that is my pledge too you, and I will seriously consider any suggestions that you give us. There is a catch to my little bargain though, you will have to comment. I know you have it in you though, you are good people and you want to help out a little site run by such talented and inspiring people as Bob and I. So please don't make me flat out beg, just give us a little something huh? I mean if we can't even get say... 5 comments after such an overt attempt on my part I'm going to be wondering if anyone is even reading us at all. And as you've noticed the volume of my posts isn't very high rights now, so you really don't want to discourage me... unless you think I suck, in which case you should take advantage of the opportunity to thoroughly discourage me by... you guessed it... COMMENTING!

Interested in Bob's idea of the perfect date? (You KNOW you are)

Wondering if I am as blindingly attractive as I sound in my posts? (I don't want to spoil this one for you... but it's pretty clear that I am)

You can find out these things and more through the wonders of commenting and having a personalized response by Bob and/or myself.

Want to take a cheap shot with a play on words on my foolish linguistic description of "blindingly" attractive? Now is your chance, make everyone laugh and gain the admiration and respect of your peers while at the same time bringing me down a peg.

So come on people, throw us a freakin bone!

Hello mortals,

At long last I have returned to fill your minds and lives with meaning and substance. How you survived during my hiatus I'll never really know, but I'm thinking maybe road kill and NPR? Poor substitutes for my provisions of sustenance and wit, but I suppose you get by however you can in times like those. Sadly not a lot has happened in my life in the year or so since I last posted, now how pathetic is that? Wow... I really depressed myself there. Maybe I should just end this post now and go and join the foreign legion or something? I should? Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?! Always trying to get rid of old John, but it's not going to happen that easily old chum. I'll be here for quite sometime now and you'll just have to deal with that. Oh, one point of interest, in the off-chance that I haven't told someone who is going to be reading this site of my recent athletic endeavor which fell short of it's intended goal. I entered an amateur boxing bout this weekend, at an Event called Fight Night, which took place in a barn out in Meridian, Idaho. Now they did have a ring up in the middle, but there were hay bales and stuff set up to sit on, not a real professional event. Also it wasn't really boxing so much as it was a tough-man type competition, if you have ever seen those. Basically what it is is three one-minute rounds, and in this version of it you could win either by KO, TKO, or crowd decision. The good news is that mine was the quickest fight of the night... the bad new is that I lost. Now let me lay out my excuses as I am fond of doing. First of all this was the first time I had fought someone for real, and I'll be honest with you, I was kind of nervous and it didn't put me at ease too much that I had to sign up for this bout in the upper part of a barn, and that the EMT who was making sure we were fit to fight couldn't find my heartbeat, so just assumed I was good to go. Second, I weighed in at 206 (which of course is still a little heavier than I should be, but not too bad), and when they asked me I told them that I would fight someone within 20 pounds of my weight, meaning 186-226 as you are doubtlessly aware. The math doesn't seem too hard to me, but they must not have had an MIT graduate double-checking their work for them because they assumed it would be cool if I fought a guy 40 pounds heavier than me. I wasn't really too involved in that decision because I didn't find out about it until they announced us at the start of the fight. So instead of fighting someone around my size I ended up with this Magilla-Gorilla/Butterbean hybrid. Oh also I should mention that I had to buy a mouth guard from the jerks who run the place (not to mention $8 and a can of food to get in the door) and had to shape it as best I could with a rather dull knife that my brother had. So it wasn't the best fit a guy could hope for, but I made do... In any event, as for the actual fight itself I don't remember it very distinctly, it was over in less than a minute, but in that time I was knocked down, got back up and knocked Butterbean down, and then got knocked down again myself whereupon I decided that I had had enough and quit. In hindsight the end of the round had to be pretty close so if I had realized that I would have stayed in it, but you know, cay sara sara, however you spell that. So my first pugilistic endeavor didn't turn out quite to my liking but I may be willing to foray into the ring again, armed with the advice of both my younger brother "hit him more, and move your feet, also don't get knocked down so much" and whatever our friendly viewers can lend me. Also in two to three weeks I will be able to review a tape of the fight which the "charitable" organizers of this event were willing to part with for the measly sum of $10, so all in all I paid $20 and a can of soup for the privilege of letting people watch me get beat down. I'll check with Adam Smith but it's entirely possible that this wasn't the wisest decision of economic recourse on my behalf. Until next time my friends, sayonara!

-John "The Southpaw Kid" McDonald

Let me paint a little picture for you. You are in the Sub in between classes. The luxury of even having a "in between classes" is rare for you on Tuesdays, but luckily one of your teachers cancelled class. You are trying to just relax and read the paper while trying to let your overtaxed brain recharge when suddenly you hear it. The sound of Cellphone girl! You want to scream but hold yourself back hoping that she will sit somewhere else and have the courtesy to talk somewhere where many people are not trying to study, but of course she does not. She chooses the seat right next to you and blathers on and on in the most whiny tone imaginable. You try not to listen, but it slowly bores into your brain pushing out the words on the newspaper and bringing you to a simmering boil. This inhuman creature of darkness will just NOT stop her whining! And that isn't even the worst of it, it's her voice and the blather, OH THE BLATHER! Non-stop it goes on! She is using 10 words in places where she could easily have used one. Does she know how annoying this is? At first you try to give her the benifit of the doubt based on her blatantly obvious moron-hood, but as time goes on and on and on and still she shows no signs of stopping you start to wonder... You remember the Sucubus of ancient Greek mythology which would suck a mans soul and you wonder... "Is this it? Is she slowly sucking out my will to live?" When finally she stops. Blessed silence!!! Oh glorious wonderful silence! It lasts for all of two seconds when you hear a faint beeping. Glancing up in horror you find that she is dialing her phone. Please you pray, let her be brief, let it be important. And again your prayers go unanswered and you have nothing to do but recoil in horror as you realize that this beast of ancient legend is repeating the EXACT SAME WHINY CRAP that she just go through giving in her last conversation. Slowly you rise and with a deft flick of your wrist decapitate her with the pepper shaker (placed on the table for your convenience).

This has sadly happened to me several times... with the exact same girl. The names are unknown, but the problems are real... the only fabrication is the gloriously justified ending. I suspect that all of you have encountered these evil cellphone creatures who have decided that, as the world is such a hideously unfair place, they will dwell in their own private cell-phone-land oblivious to those around them. I still get chills when I consider that there may have been an actual human being on the other end of that phone call who had to endure that blathering self-pity directly. If you have had similar experiences please let me know. I would gain a little comfort from the knowledge that other real human beings have had to undergo this onslaught.

NOTE: I admit that the Succubus came to my knowledge through South Park, if such a creature does not exist in Greek mythology I apologize

NOTE 2: To those of you saying to yourself "Why didn't he just move??" I have only two replies. A. I hoped that it might soon leave. B. Because I was there first!!

Attention all viewers. It appears that Bob is getting lazy in his old age. His two newest posts contained several easily catchable typos. Also, his two newest happen to be same exact post. I tried to remedy this, but I was unable to figure out how to do so and fear trying to many new things because I don't want to screw up the site. I do hope that he will fix this error and stop embarrasing me so with his unprofessionalism! :)

Rating: 08/10

Hello All!

I have been utterly inspired by the comment we had on our site from somebody named Andrew. Andrew thanks you and congradulations, you are the first person we did't know who posted on our site. You are a crazy genius and have accomplished the considerable feat of getting me to post before Bob has to threaten my life and limbs. You are truly a man among men Andrew.

Well as you can probably gather from my title, I watched some movies recently... and it was at night. Last night to be exact. I started off with "The Royal Tennenbaums" at 9:55 and let me tell you, I thoroughly enjoyed that movie. Not as much of Bill Murray in the show as I would have liked, but Gene Hackman was as outstanding as usual. For those of you who may not be aware, this show starred Gene Hackman, Bill Murray, Angelica Houston, Ben Stiller, Gwenyth Paltrow, Owen Wilson, and Kevin Wilson. Overall a very remarkable cast. Aside from Hackman's performance as Royal I would have to say that my favorite performers were Paltrow as Margot Tennenbaum and one of the Wilson boys as her brother (I have trouble remembering the characters name and I can never keep the names to faces straight with the Owen brothers.. I am talking about the one without the screwed up nose) quite a delightfully mixed up comedy. I give it a 8.5 out of 10.

After this movie got over I wasn't yet very tired, and as coincidence would have it I am also a loser who had nothing to do at midnight on Saturday, and the Reel was also playing several movies at that time. The additional incentive of watching another movie for the price of one was just to great and I decided to stay over for "The Queen of the Damned". It started off not so good, not the movie itself, but the waiting-in-the-theatre-for-the-movie-to-start experience. First of all these two obnoxious teenagers came in (I'm starting to sound like an old man) who sat several rows in front of me and had the courtesy to blast their crappy music on their headphones loud enough that I could hear it quite clearly. Sure it was an inconvenience for me (and the others who came in after), but it had the benefit of not making the lazy little jerks actually put the headphones ON. This quickly became the tone for the audience, loud and obnoxious teenagers, most of whom seemed to be already acquanted (sp?) with each other. I guess if I had brushed up on my powers of deduction I would have realized that this would be the key audience to a midnight viewing for a movie entitled "Queen of the Damned" but Sherlock Holmes I'm not.

Anyway, the movie eventually started and by some miracle of nature the sacks of skin in front of me decided to turn off their cd player and the rest of the crowd was reasonably quiet for the duration of the movie, which by the way turned out to be remarkably better than I had anticipated. The premise of the movie sounds stupid enough. A vampire wakes from a long sleep and starts a hard rock band which in turn awakes Akasha queen of the vampires... ect, ect. But I guess there is something to Ann Rice's popularity afterall. Stuart Townsend played the lead role of the vampire Lestat, and was in my opinion quite convincing. He hasn't starred in to many movies to date, but I predict big things in his future. Also, the late Aaliyah played Akasha quite seductively and once again proved what a great actress she was. The soundtrack was excellent. I generally more or less abhor hard-rock, but this was different, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Overall I give this movie a 8 out of 10.

If you enjoyed this and other posts by John McDonald please continue to leave comments on our site (both those of you I know and particularly those of you that I don't). This is the best way to inspire me to write both more frequently and in greater length. If you find my writing to be senseless drivel and prefer that of my more accomplished brother Bob then screw you! Just kidding, in THAT case post and let us know! We want to hear whatever you have to say.

Bob good work on the site. I will post a little later today with any luck and just wanted to say I appreciate the work you put into this. I would like to do movie rating, not necessarily reviews, although I would perhaps review a movie if I found it to be particularly exceptional in some regard. I would rather like to just rank movies according to my preferences (by stars, number, or what-have-you) in the hopes that some poor misguided fool might buy them and get me some Amazon partner points.

-John

Did I snare you with the catchy title? I should hope so! I mean come on, who wouldn't be interested in reading a post entitled "Followed by a Duck"? I dare you to name me ONE SINGLE PERSON!!! Sorry about that little outburst there... I don't know what came over me. Just the natural giddiness of actually posting two days in a row I suppose... In any event I should get to the "meat" of this post before I lose the few of you that my masterfully-done headline drew in.

I was followed by a duck yesterday... Yes, it's true. The scary thing is that I don't quite know what his intentions were (I am assuming the gender of the duck, it seemed rather aggressive and knowing little about ducks I make an educated guess). It started out innocently enough, I was walking from this very computer lab on campus yesterday on my way to the library when I saw a duck walking across the lawn in my general direction. This is not an unusual event by any means, as our campus is directly adjacent to the Boise River, but I was amused nonetheless as it was the first duck of the season, so to speak. He was quacking in an unusual manner (again this is conjecture on my part as I am not qualified to state definitively what the usual manner of quacking is) so I stopped to smile and watch him for a moment.

Perhaps this duck had been having a bad day and did not like to be laughed at, or perhaps we have an ancient score to settle, which I have somehow forgotten about, but upon seeing me the duck changed his bearing until he was on a direct collision course with the John-Train! I thought this might be a coincidence and as the duck was showing no real anger in his walk (again, this is limited to my small knowledge of how a duck would walk when angry) I stayed for a moment to continue watching him. He simply stared back at me in a cool, Clint Eastwood-like manner and continued his march (waddle would be more accurate I suppose). In a moment or two the duck was only about 10 feet from me and closing at a steady pace so I decided that it was about time for me to be moving along, but the duck was not so easily dissuaded. As I began to move away from him he picked up his pace and his quacking became noticeably more agitated.

Perhaps he merely wanted to come and strike up a friendly conversation with me, but even if that was the case I was certain he would soon turn the conversation to "The UpsideDown Club" (for those of you who may not know, this is the local cult prevalent on the college campus) and his interest in seeing me join. All of the conversations I have had on campus with characters as..... interesting as the duck have followed this general M.O., so friendly conversation or not I wanted nothing to do with it.

Also, I could not be certain this Mallard did not have something far more sinister in mind. I recalled a FarSide cartoon that I had seen in which a mad scientist had done a brain transplant between the bodies of a man and a duck, and although the man-brain-in-duck-body went on to be a great leader among ducks in the cartoon, I had no great interest in repeating this experiment.

In any event, I quickly outpaced the duck and, realizing that he could not catch me, he turned (somewhat dejectedly) back towards the river and wandered off. In-and-of-itself this seems to be nothing more than an usual incident... but questions remain to be answered! Who was this duck, and what was his purpose? Who sent him? Will he be back in the future? Can I continute to safely walk across campus after dark? Just what exactly is the song "Mr. Roboto about? (this last question may not have been directly brought about through my encounter with the duck, but this has really been bugging me, so if you have any insight let me know!) Yes my friends, I fear that this is far from over. I must find out what this ducks knows and who he is working for ,and I think that tonight may be the night! I am going to leave the lab now and go to the library, employing all of my ninja stealth and prowess along the way. I leave this written record in the event that I mysteriously disappear into the shadowy depths of the river, never to be heard from again. If this happens I ask you to avenge my death, or at the very least send out a very competent chicken to handle the matter for you!

-John "Quackers" McDonald

Hello all, it's me again. Yes, that's right, it's the wayward son of the Dynamicduo has returned. I have been on Spring Break and such so I really have no excuse for not posting this time, but that's o.k. because I'm not giving an excuse, I just had no real desire to post. Among the reasons for this lack of desire I must no doubt include sloth, apathy, lack of creativity, and a little sense of the futility in doing so. I post now only because I don't want to let my brother down too much after all of the hard work which he has performed on this site. Perhaps I should explain what exactly I mean by "a little sense of futility", what I intended this to convey was my growing sense of dissapointment at both the number of hits our site recieves, and the utter and complete absence of any comments from any individuals other than family and friends that may (or more likely may not) be reading or site.

I know that this post is coming across in a very negative fashion right now, and although I'm sorry for it, that is just the mood that I find myself in. I have just been thinking of all of the homework that I still have to do before this semester is over and looking at my potential schedule for next semester and it just makes me sick. I really dislike all of this! I don't know whether it is just my major, or if it is the style of learning that emphasizes learning just what will be "on the test", but I really just want to drop out sometimes and just find a job. I believe that I do enjoy learning, but I hate being tested over it and hate the fact that my grades will impact my future employment opportunities and even (to some extent) social status. It just seems that having to force myself to plough through a book written by someone I've never heard of about something I couldn't care less about is a far cry from anything useful.

Overall I guess what I am feeling right now is just that life should be about more than this. If you aren't having fun, enjoying yourself, getting satisfaction from your work, or whatever the test may be, then what is the point? Well I'm going to go to the driving range now and whack a few balls around before I get back to my homework, and I don't think I need to share any of my worthless thoughts on these subjects with you. So hopefully (not promising) my next post will be a little happier and less forced. Not that anyone cares, because no one will read it.

-John "Wallowing in Self-pity" McDonald

I hate to do this to you all, as I have repeatedly chided Bob for doing what I term "happy little distraction posts", but I'm afraid that I haven't the strength to produce anything requiring much creativity or humor at the moment. I think that I should take this opportunity to mention that I was just teasing about the quality of Bob's posts because it was the only thing I could think of to say when he accused me of not posting enough (merely because he would post about 9,000 times for every post that I made). So to set the record straight, I enjoyed his posts and I'm sure that any of you who may read this page did as well. In conclusion, turn away the lynch mob, I did not intend to rob our page of his posts!!! Now that I have that out of the way I can continue on my random post. Perhaps you are wondering why I claim that I lack the strength for creativity and humor right now, and perhaps not, you may very well think that I alway lack creativity and humor. In the case of the latter you are out of luck, because I am going to tell you why anyway. It is because schoolwork is sucking the life out of me! I have been working on a take-home test for my Corrections Law clas for the past several days, and I have completed 18 out of the 25 questions that we have to do and I am currently at 19 pages!! So whether you buy it or not, that is both my excuse for the lack of quality in my current post, and my long gaps between posts. I am slightly heartened by the fact that aside from my brother, myself, my friend Jared, and my mother, no one actually reads this page and therefore if I am dissapointing people they are few in number. Well I really must go and try to clear my head now so that I can come back tommorrow and finish this monstrosity! I wish you all a happy day and for the love of GOD if anyone I don't know occasionally views this page, or just stumbles across it and reads this post, then give me a comment! That would really mean a lot to me particularly if it isn't a comment such as "You should learn English", but I would be happy with even that because it would at least mean that somebody was reading it!

John " Frazzled and stressed over this da#* take home test" McDonald

-Associated Press
Shibuya, Japan
March 11, 2002

“If I ever get my massive hair-covered hands on those who are unaware of our brilliance, or even the glorious existance of our online wonder, I will lay a taste of the Ultra-Twistacelic-Hyper-Testosterone-Laden-Reverse-BobDriver on 'em like they've never had it before Sucka!” The words of The Dynamic Duo ™ co-founder Bob McDonald rang loud and clear in the empty lounge at the Tokyu Hotel. “And another thing”, yelled Bob,“ I'm REALLY pissed off that nobody showed up for our press conference!”

It seems that Bob and his strikingly attractive younger brother John are sick and tired of the lack of hits on their website. “I mean it just seems like somebody would read it,” quipped John via speakerphone. “sheer statistics ALONE would dictate that somebody would have stumbled across it and read a paragraph or two by NOW. It's almost as if God had conspired against us or somethi... hold on... what the... o.k. look I'll have to call back I'm out of quarte...*dial tone*.”

“O.k., look. My lunch break is almost over, and my brother is far too cheap to call back. I'm just going to lay it out for you. My brother, John ‘The Crusher’, and I are challenging every single internet user to a no-holds-barred cage match in the upcoming WWF Smackdown ™ on June 19.” Bob went on to say that he is not going to hold back just because most of these users were entirely ignorant of the existence of The Dynamic Duo ™. Both co-founders seemed a bit stunned when asked whether or not the WWF had agreed to sanction the bout. Their shock seemed to primarily come from the fact that they had not known that any reporters were in the room. “ Too be honest I hadn't really thought about it,” mumbled Bob "The Bender". “I just kind of assumed that... you know... um... THIS PRESS CONFERENCE IS OVER!”

Initial responses from the WFF™ are not promising. A confidential source reported that they aren't really taking the challenge seriously. “Come on, every internet user? I know that we tend to think of computer users as pasty-faced geeks, but EVERYBODY uses the internet these days. If we were talking about Stone Cold and The Undertaker, then sure I suppose they could hold their own, but Bob and John McDonald? I'm sorry, we've just never heard of them.” Bob insists that the lines of communication are still open and that he is hopeful that the match will be sanctioned without difficulties. “If neccessary, I WILL power-bomb The Rock” he informed us via email later that day.

Well everyone, if you have ever visited our site before you undoubtedly noticed that I changed our site's best feature. Yes, that's right, the DANCING MONKEYS!! I was just getting a little sick of them being alongside our (o.k. mostly Bob's) posts and distracting me with their gyrations. So I moved them up to the top of the page under our respective names. I should note that I placed each monkey carefully, being sure to reflect their personalities as well as possible. Therefore I put the strong, no-nonsense, king-of-the-jungle monkey on my side and the cute little, la la la la la, I'm-a-happy-little-distraction monkey on Bob's side. If you have visited our page before and (God forbid) read some of our posts, then you undoubtedly recognize the wisdom of this placement. As Bob does a lot more of the happy-little-distraction posts, whereas I do far fewer posts which all have true character and style.

It should be noted that the fantasy baseball league is, in fact, up and running and if you would like to join just email us, leave a comment, or put a message into a bottle and fling it out into the sea, or the street for that matter. I don't care where you fling the bottle, I don't care how you get a hold of us, and I don't even care if your bottle careens out of control and kills a harmless hotdog vendor. What I do care about is that some people actually join! I had to go through the hassle of creating this league and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand idly by and watch you run it into the ground!

.....Sorry about that, just a little bit of tension left over from those last few harrowing weeks of fantasy football I guess. In any event, I would like it if most of the people in our league were people we knew, or people who had at least read our site rather than random Tom's, Dick's, Harry's, and Kareem's off of the street. Not that I have anything against these particular names mind you, it's just that I would hate to have to gloat over these street people when I crush all league competitors beneath my might 10 1/2 size sneakers.

Well folks, I'm afraid that the big monkey is hungry now and must go feed himself (one must keep up his strength if he is to continue to rule the jungle and refer to himself as "one") so I am afraid that I will once again have to leave you the wasteland of Bob's posts. I would however like to endorse my friend Jared's website. Currently there isn't much there, but I am confident that as he gets his legs under him (and off of the sofa playing his freakin X-box!) his site will be a really cool place. His writings (although currently few) are funny and well done and I strongly encourage you to visit his site via the link in... well.... my link section. I'm not going to threaten you here, but lets just say visiting his site soon would be more conducive to a long life.....

Hello all! I am currently in the computer lab at my school working on a paper on the criminological Strain Theory, and let me tell you that I have done funner things in my life. I will soon be going to study for a test with a friend of mine, so that will at least be a nice little break. I would like to quickly thank Bob for his continual posts in my absence so that the few of you who may be coming back to our page didn't get bored with our stagnation and leave. I would also like to thank my mother and brother Jim for coming and visiting me this weekend, it was really fun! I would also like to thank Jared Hawley for proving that he is a loyal viewer and for actually giving us comments our posts (by the way Jim, I found your comment)! Last, but not least, I would like to thank the Academy, this is such an unexpected reward and I just don't know how to properly express my thankfulness!
Peace, I'm out

I don't mean to alarm anyone here, but I just thought that you should all know that I was checking out the site tracker to see how had been visiting our site.... and it turns out one of the those is usda.gov. I don't mean to alarm anyone without cause, but if I am not mistaken that would be the the United States Dairy Association. Lord only knows what feindish plots they may have for us! I can only pray they don't find out about those unauthorized milking experiments that we have been conducting with-in the U.S. province of Guam. It suddenly occurs to me that if they did not know about these then they certainly will if they read this post.... But I'm going to bet that they just took one look at the good clean fun our site provides and decided that it wasn't worth their time to investigate. They won't be back. I'm not afraid! O.k. well I'm a little afraid. But I mean COME ON who wouldn't be a little concerned to find that such a powerful government entity was investigating their website? This next message will be encoded so that I may privately exchange a few words about this concerning activity, with my brother. Please do not attempt to crack the code. It is, in fact, unbreakable. You will only force yourself to go insane if you try. BEGIN ENCRYPTION PigLatin4.0 Encryption succesfully spawned ObBay heytay reaay ntooay suay! stroyDay hetay owscay eforebay t'siay ootay atelay! END ENCRYPTION Ha ha, I was of course kidding earlier on about the milk experiments in Guam. No need to get alarmed. Just calm down everyone.

I am glad to say that Bob has finally fixed the glitches that were in our code, which you of course would know if you bother reading his posts 1.. I would like to extend my thanks to him for doing so as I can resume my Adventure's In HTML® which will probably result in me scewing something up so that he has to fix it again! The circle of life continues.

I am pleased to see that we are actually getting a few hits now and again that are not in fact ourselves and I would greatly encourage those of you who are viewing this to come back again. The more hits we have the more incentive that will give us to update our site with new graphics and additions, and the more apt we will be to make timely posts. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ASKED, THE DANCING MONKEY LINK IS IN MY LINK SECTION! CLICK ON THE MONKEY PICTURE AND IT SHOULD TAKE YOU THERE. I hope to soon have this monkey under our power to dance about (or jump rather) on our site. So if you come back for no other reason, come back for the monkey! With that my friends I shall leave you.

1. John The Magnificent ™ makes no comment on the advisability of reading said posts

-John
The Magnificent

Hello faithful viewer! (I too am hopeful that at least one person has viewed our page more than once) I wish too congradulate me and my brother on the excellent changes that have been made in the page. I think that actual pictures will greatly increase the length of time that you are willing to look at our formerly graphics-forelorn page. I have been picking up a few of the tricks on how to do things in the designing aspects of this page so hopefully (with a few inevitable exceptions) in the future, I will have sole ownership and mastery of my side of the page and Bob (except when he is too dumb and I have to do it for him) will have a weak monopoly on his side. In the goal of drawing new repeat viewers to our page I, John McDonald, embarked upon a quest today! The quest? To find.... THE PERFECT MEATBALL SUB!!! No.... wait.... that was last week, todays quest was to find the ever elusive dancing monkey graphic. With the dancing monkey within our power I knew that there was no one who would be beyond our control!! WOO HA HA HA!! (picture evil laugh here). I began my search in the deep deep bowels of the search engine known only as... JEEVES! *DUN DUN DUN* (I'm also attempting to add sound effects and a laugh track to increase hits). Yes, THE Jeeves the most sinister search engine of them all... I first tried "Where can I find a dancing monkey?" as my search, hoping that the search engine would be stunned by my Blitzkreig-style, suprise frontal attack. But alas, Jeeves was more crafty and evil than I had ever feared, and the moment I hit enter he began interrogating me rapidly with substitute questions such as "Where can if find out about modern dance?" and "Where can I find out about monkey diseases?" or even "What are some tribal dances?" He hit me with so many question so fast I couldn't think, and amid all of this confusion he didn't give me one webpage that seemed to be what I was searching for. I couldn't take it I yelled "ENOUGH!" and after the computer-lab had calmed back down I continued speaking more quietly "Jeeves, I do not know the answers to these questions you ask of me, please grant me this request that I have for the dancing monkey." Jeeves was as silent as the night on a ....well..... silent night. Jeeves had won the battle, but I swore that the war would be mine! With blinding speed and only 4 backspaces I was able to type in the address of www.google.com from the moment I had typed in "dancing monkey" I knew that Jeeves had not forseen this brilliant move. It was quite apparent that (as I suspected) my old friend had been keeping things from me. Sure, no dancing monkey was to be found on the first link I followed, or the second, or the third, but after half an hour of following links I finally found out that YES, indeed there IS an animation company named "The Dancing Monkey". Sadly this was not what I was looking for. Still I carried forth, on and on, into the very heart of 2:30 and then it happened! The network crashed of course. If you were a student at BSU you would realize just how inevitable this type of occurance is, particularly if you are typing an important paper and have not saved. After the noble machine had recovered I began anew to follow my links in Google. Then I had a ephiphany! What if I were to try "Dancing Monkey Pictures"? Ask quick as a cat and with only 2 small errors I managed to type this in and to make a long story less....long......I finally found the elusive dancing monkey! Well to be honest it's not really dancing so much as kind of jumping... and I wasn't smart enough to be able to add it to the page... but by GOD I linked to it! And if you value your life you will FOLLOW this link and behold the fruits of my labor. Furthermore I would appreciate it if you were just a little bit amazed. Also it wouldn't kill you to write a comment once in a while! Well my friends, that is the tale of the golden monkey (unless you count that fact that he isn't golden) . Tune in next time for "Amazing Adventures of that....umm..... guy! You know, the one who spent all that time looking for the dancing monkey?"

Your Supreme Guide,

-Associated Press

This just in, word on the street is that John McDonald (well known to those loyal viewers of the Dynamic Duo) has surpassed his own record for crappy spelling by recording not one, but two typos in his last post. This is amazing because this particular post was only three lines long. Industry experts are predicting he may well break his own record before months end. We'll keep you posted.

In light of Bob's shocking revalation about his not reading a Virginai Woolf book I feel it is my duty to tell you that I like cheddar cheese. I'll keep you posted as this situation develops.

John McDonald

Well here I am. All it took was for my brother to nag me a bit and I'm posting again. I have been really busy this past week with homework (as my brother mentioned I would say). I had to do a take-home test in my Corrections Law class last week and it ended up being 11 pages typed by the time I was done, and then I had to write a paper (and first read) about Virginia Postrel's The Future and Its Enemies (for information on her you can try her website at Dynamist.) So I was pretty swamped between doing that and the rest of my homework. Also, quite frankly I'm a little lazy and couldn't really think of anything to write. If anyone who reads Japanese sees this they might find it... well crazy. My Japanese friend just told me that I should write this on the site. It is one of the few Japanese phrases I know "watashi no te wa midori to nagai" The big news that I have come acrossed recently is that the Supreme Court has decided to take an appeal, which could be the most important death penalty decision since Furman v. Georgia in 1972. This case involves a man named Timothy Ring and although I don't know the exact case name, it can be found at CNN. An educated guess would be that the case is Ring v. Arizona, but like I said I don't know for certain. The gist of this case is that the petitioner is arguing that the administration of the death penalty sentence by a judge is in violation of the 6th amendment provision entitling a defendant to a trial by an impartial JURY . This amendment is of course applied to the state of Arizona by the 14th amendment's incorporation doctrine. For those of you who want to check out the specifics of these amendments, the constitution and all of it's amendments can be found at The Constitution. The upshot of this cases importance is that IF the Supreme Court decides in favor of Timothy Ring then the current death penalty statutes of 5 states (Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, and Nebraska) would be found unconstitutional and therefore voided, as judges handle the sentencing phase in all of these states. In four other states the statutes would also likely be voided, the main difference in these states (Florida, Alabama, Deleware, and Indiana) being that while the Judge still handles the sentencing the jury makes recommendations to the judge. If this were to occur (which I for one find a bit unlikely in the Rehnquist lead court) then the sentences of those currently on death row would be immediately changed to life in prison. This would save nearly 800 inmates from state sanctioned death (assuming they wouldn't have been found innocent through DNA evidence or been granted reprieve through successful appeals). Pretty signifigant I would say. I'll post the case ruling on the site as soon as I hear what happens. Well folks, it took me suprisingly long to write this little bit, since I had to figure out how to link sites and stuff, so that's about all for me right now.

Your Supreme Guide,

To me nothing is more of tease than an Olympics with the world winter in front of it. I mean what a rip! In the Summer Olympics we get boxing, weightlifting, running, jumping, swimming, fencing, the shotput, the discus, the hammer, the javelin, karate, wrestling, and on and on! What do we get in the Winter Olympics? Ice Dancing and skiing! I mean don't get me wrong, some of the events are interesting, such as the snowboarding and the newly re-instated skeleton (participants race down a hill face first on tiny metal sled), but overall it doesn't even compare! Admittedly the Winter Olympics has had it's moments, notably the Miracle on Ice in 1980 (the unbelievable American victory over the "unbeatable" Russian hockey team), but it hardly holds up to the overall excitement generated from the 100 meter dash alone.

To add insult to injury, these particular Olympics are happening in my own backyard and even if I desired to see them I couldn't! Not only are all the good events long sold out but even the opening ceremony, a poor substitute at best for actual competition, was far out of my reach. Tickets were sold for the low low price of $850! Now I know what you are thinking. I must be inflating my numbers, certainly THOSE tickets are the very best, there must be SOME tickets available at a lower price. I must admit that you would be right, some of the very poor seats were in fact available for $450! No thank you sir, I'd rather go to Hawaii. Can someone tell me when exactly it came to pass that the Olympics was an event only for the rich? There are other ways to get onto the Olympic grounds other than buying these pricy tickets, but they are hardly desirable alternatives. You can be a volunteer! Yes, that's right, you can pay your way the Olympics, try and find a place to sleep at night, and pay for the food you need to eat. For this effort you are treated to the OPPORTUNITY to clean up after those rich and well-connected enough to have actually bought tickets! You still don't get to actually view much (if any) competition, but gosh dang it you can say you were there!

This particular Winter Olympics has the added benifit of being held in Salt Lake City! Yes that's right the Mormon capital! You can imagine the crazy fun and hijinks that will be going on in a town where you have to be sponsored by a resident just to go out to a bar and buy a martini! (this particular statement is based on second hand information, so if any of you know for sure please give feedback).

My national pride was a little damaged when it came out that members of the Salt Lake Olympic Committee had been bribing International Olympic Committee members to choose them as the venue. Although several members were dismissed as a result of this I notice that in the end it obviously worked. So for all of you who enjoy the Winter Olympics I say," GOOD FOR YOU!" and I really mean that, I hope they are enjoyed by some less cynical than I. As for myself? Wake me in the summer.

Ultrabob is a wanker and is falling behind in his posts!

In a shocking press release today the Federal Marshalls have just revealed that they have in fact been placing all individuals from the witness protection program in one town. "It's just that after a while it got to be such a hassle," a confidential source reported to The Dynamic Duo, " I mean we had to hide everyone all carefully in all these different towns, and finally we just said the hell with it!" As it turns out the program (currently working with over 4,000 individuals) has been sticking everyone in the small town of Notus, Idaho. "I know that in retrospect this seems like a rather obvious codename," admitted Marshalls Director Robert Finland, " but at the time it seemed like a harmless inside joke among the staff." This inside joke turned to tragedy after a mob hitter somehow cracked this elaborate code and was able to penetrate the town. "I really doubt that it would have been quite as bad," commented Bob Jones (not his real name), " but after a while it was like the program wasn't even trying anymore, I mean it was ridiculous, the guy across the street was named Didnot Ratonthemafia!" " I'll admit that there were some further precautions that could perhaps have been taken, but overall I still think our department did a hell of a job.", said Director Finland. " I mean these types of mistakes happen, we just have to press on and try to uphold that standard of excellence which has come to be associated with the program!" Anyone interested in talking to actual program participants are invited to the annual picnic/barbeque in Hidden Valley, NC.

In a shocking press release today the Federal Marshalls have just revealed that they have in fact been placing all individuals from the witness protection program in one town. "It's just that after a while it got to be such a hassle," a confidential source reported to The Dynamic Duo, " I mean we had to hide everyone all carefully in all these different towns, and finally we just said the hell with it!" As it turns out the program (currently working with over 4,000 individuals) has been sticking everyone in the small town of Notus, Idaho. "I know that in retrospect this seems like a rather obvious codename," admitted Marshalls Director Robert Finland, " but at the time it seemed like a harmless inside joke among the staff." This inside joke turned to tragedy after a mob hitter somehow cracked this elaborate code and was able to penetrate the town. "I really doubt that it would have been quite as bad," commented Bob Jones (not his real name), " but after a while it was like the program wasn't even trying anymore, I mean it was ridiculous, the guy across the street was named Didnot Ratonthemafia!" " I'll admit that there were some further precautions that could perhaps have been taken, but overall I still think our department did a hell of a job.", said Director Finland. " I mean these types of mistakes happen, we just have to press on and try to uphold that standard of excellence which has come to be associated with the program!" Anyone interested in talking to actual program participants are invited to the annual picnic/barbeque in Hidden Valley, NC.

I am the one and only fantasticly amazing John! You've already had a fair intro into this little doozy of a site we've got going here from my brother, so mine can be brief. A little by the way of introducing myself. I am a Sagittarius who enjoys long walks on the beach and sunsets. I am a Criminal Justice Major at Boise State University (Boise, Idaho) with aspirations of attending a half-way decent law school after graduation. I am considered quite an eligible bachelor and was voted "The Dynamic Duo's Sexiest Man of the Year" in 2002.

My hope is that although this page will contain a certain amount of politics and the like, we won't get bogged down in boring crap. It's my hope that the few of you who stumble upon this website will want to come back because it's interesting, insightful, and fun! I would like for it to be rather laid back and at times humorous. As I already mentioned above, I am currently involved in higher education, and therefore have become sufficiently sick of intellectual crap (a.e. big words masking no independent thought) and really and trully hope that I don't fall into that same old sink-hole. That being said, this page is done on our spare time, and as such it may contain its share of typo's and incomplete sentences and grammatical faux pas. I would ask that you bear with us and cut us a little slack at these times.

Well I think that is sufficient from my end, and I would just like to leave you with this opening thought, "It's the early bird that catches the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese."