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I can’t believe it! I got a 90% on my first biology test. I feel like shouting ‘Woo hoo!” but it would kind of be wasted on Murphy and Rowdy, who would probably be terrified instead of ecstatic. My instructor, Dr. David Freestrorfer has a unique way of posting grades in the class. There is a section on ‘Web Campus’ titled “My Grades”, but the good doctor maintains it is cumbersome, so he uses instead an Excel Spreadsheet. When I access ‘scores’ under ‘class content’, the spreadsheet loads up, showing scores, percentages, means and medians for the entire class. “How can he do that?” I can see you thinking. (Yes, I can see you thinking. Unsettling, isn’t it?) “Isn’t that a violation of some sort of confidentiality rules?” Of course it its, but he cleverly gets around this by using aliases! So, if you knew, for instance, that ‘acidosis’, (or ‘covalent, mole, DNA or interferon) was the pseudonym of the cute blond who always sits in the front row and asks so many questions, you would also know her grade. But if, as she should, she kept this information to herself, confidentiality managed. And that is exactly what I’m going to do. No, don’t even try……..okay, okay stop tickling, I’ll tell you. I am ‘fibroblast.’ (actually one of the cooler aliases to my way of thinking.) You wormed it out of me.
Now I’m sure you want to hear all about the test. Well, it was 50 questions, multiple choice, taken by shading in bubbles on an answer sheet with a number 2 pencil. We had the entire 1 ½ hour class period to take it; I finished in about an hour, one of the last to do so. The information covered chaps 1-3 about cell theory, molecule bonding, properties of water, energy, proteins and enzymes. I felt confident in about 70% of my answers, reasonably sure of another 10% and ‘not a clue’ with the rest (what is that, about 20% or so?) So, using my math wizard skills, my score of 90% must mean I missed 5. The high score in the class was a 92% by that show-off ‘erythrocyte.’
When I left the room, my stomach hurt and my shoulders/neck were all knotted up. I was glad Yoga class was next, and I did feel much better after an hour of calming, gentle yoga stretches. In case you are picturing UltaMom sitting with her leg up over her ear, you will need to adjust your ‘TV screen.’ Instead picture a middle aged woman modifying stretches with blanket and yoga blocks to favor her bad knee and general inflexibility, sneaking surreptitious glances at super-supple young Candace who is sitting in a legs-spread-wide position while her upper body is prone on the mat in front of her
I did study a lot for this test, probably much more than most of the kids with their young, supple brains, but the point is: I CAN do this! My brain, though softer than it used to be, is not yet entirely mush! Some small credit must be given to Jimbo whose amazing brain still remembers much of this stuff and whose clarification on Neutrons, Protons, Atomic Number and Atomic Weight is responsible for at least one right test answer, maybe two.
Okay, one small ‘dance of joy.’ Then off to cram and stress for first A & P lab test on Thursday.

UltraMom, the Biologist’s Apprentice

I just discovered this partially written post and decided to finish it on up and go ahead and post it, not so much for your reading pleasure, as I started to write, as to make myself feel less like a sporadic, procrastinating posting failure.

Ah, Labor Day weekend. According to PBS NewsHour, “The observance of Labor Day began over 100 years ago. Conceived by America’s labor unions as a testament to their cause, the legislation sanctioning the holiday was shepherded through Congress amid labor unrest and signed by President Grover Cleveland as a reluctant election-year compromise.” All most of us know is that it give us a paid day off work, and turns our normal 2 day weekend into a 3 dayer. UltraDad, already working a 40-hr 4 day week, got 4 days off, though according to him, it’s never enough.
Working for the school district, UltraPat also had Friday off this week; Fair Day in honor, I suppose of the Elko County Fair. For some reason, the state prison system does not deem it necessary to give a day off for that, so UltraMom went to work.
At least I got Labor Day off; I skyped Johnny on Monday morning and found out he was in class. “Cornelius Vanderbilt didn’t believe in Labor Unions or in honoring the working class, and in that grand tradition, Vanderbilt never gets a holiday on Labor Day.” I’m glad the founders of Great Basin College didn’t feel that way!
Now that Jim is attending graduate school in Salt Lake City, we had hoped to be able to connect with him this weekend, so we were happy when he called Saturday morning to tell us he was on his way to Carlin. UltraMom spruced the house up a little and made her famous pizza, which Jim staunchly refuses to admit is better than Jessica’s. (Claims he is not yet into the ‘lying’ phase of their relationship, or some such garble.) It was great having Jim around to help me with my biology homework. He very patiently answered my puzzled questions on covalent, ionic and hydrogen bonding and showed me how to correctly read a Phylogenic Tree. I was very impressed with how much he remembered, but had to remind myself that his biology is much more current than mine (30 years ago)? Besides which, the kid has a sharp, young brain. Jim and UltraDad played a little Canasta, and later in the afternoon did a little preparatory work on the bathroom floor.
UltraDad has the carpet torn out getting ready to tile the room, but mentioned that the floor was very uneven. Home Depot seemed to hold the perfect solution in a ‘self-leveling’ compound; “Just mix and pour; I will find my own level and make your floor whole again. “(or something like that; I may have done a little poetic paraphrasing). In reality, when they mixed and poured, it stayed in a clump and the guys had to spread and scrape. Self-leveling meaning you level it yourself?
Jim seemed eager to help with the actual tiling (okay, perhaps eager is too strong; cheerfully willing, maybe), so on Sunday, we headed to Home Depot. We waited for a while in the flooring section. We saw one orange-aproned Home Depot employee helping a couple with a large tile purchase, which involved loading and securing it onto palettes and fork-lifting it out to the parking lot. I went to look for other help, but apparently, ‘Mike’ was the only one working in Tile that day. He called to us as he drove by with a load of tile: “I’ll be with you folks in a moment.” As many moments went by, we saw Mike many more times. “I won’t be much longer.” “I’ll tell you everything you need to know about your tiling project.” “I’m going to make you a heck of a deal on your tile to make up for having to wait so long.” “Just 5 more minutes and I’m all yours.” These were a few of his comments on the fly, as we waited for nearly 2 hours.
I got a little tired and decide to take a seat on a nearby box after patting it to make sure it was sturdy. It fooled me; it wasn’t sturdy at all.  As it started to collapse, I leaped up, looking around wildly while trying to pretend I didn’t know what was going on. Jim shook his head and rolled his eyes. “What did you expect? You were sitting on a box on sponges.” How was I supposed to know that? I mean if I spent all my time going around reading about what was inside every box I wanted to sit on, I’d never have time for anything else, right?
Mike did turn out to be knowledgeable and thorough. He explained the processes, while loading supplies and boxes of tile on our cart. “Here,” he said handing us a book. “I’m going to give you this How To Tile book free for waiting so long.” As Mike shepherded up to the checkout, I asked “So are we really getting a deal on the tile?”
“Um, sure,” he said. Mike and the checkout girl had a little conference, and while she rang up our purchases, he explained the deal. “I couldn’t give you the book free after all because of the bar-code scan (or something like that), but I’m giving you about $20 off on the tile (which was about the cost of the book) instead.” I couldn’t help thinking we may have chosen not to get the book if we knew we would be paying for it. “Oh, by the way,” Mike ended after shaking hands all around “Here is my card. Call if you need any help once you get going. And you should go to the Home Depot website and do the survey; you could win (something, I forget). And then, it would really help me out if you would leave a comment about me, cause its almost time for my yearly review.”
Well, okay. I have to admit, he did know his stuff.  And I did end up leaving a comment. All good, of course.
After all this, we had no choice but to have a late lunch at Matties. And then, of course, it was too late to lay any tile. Maybe not the funnest weekend for Jim, but it sure was great having the kid around.
Next post we will probably get back to some fascinating biology and to UltraMom’s trials as an untraditional student.  I hope you enjoyed your labor day weekend and the respite from your toils, those of you who aren’t attending Vanderbilt.  Now, get back to work!

UltraMom