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It is amazing to me that after living in Howe for 30+ years, and living only 6 mere hours away that I hadn’t been back since last October. Hadn’t, that is, until last week. We had been planning this trip for a long time, UDad and I, for when he would have his monthly 7 contiguous days off (yes, I mean contiguous), when I would be able to wrangle a few days off myself, and when there wasn’t something else going on, such as visitors from the outside. Mars and Venus were finally in agreement (pun intended) and plans were made. We would drive to Howe on Friday, Udad’s first day off. We would spend time with several of our offspring, several of our (his) siblings, and, most of all, work on getting that house we still own cleared out.
Some of plan actually happened, though in its own timing. On Friday, we briskly set off about 10:00 A.M, with UltraMom (me) at the wheel. I missed my turnoff to the clinic to pick up UDad’s prescriptions and turned into Walmart so I could turn the jig around when my car turned into a fire-breathing dragon. Smoke billowed out from under the hood, while leaking anitfreeze sizzled and stank. I parked and we discussed the situation. We have an AARP Motorist plan (kind of like AAA), so I placed a call to arrange for a towtruck. Since it was about 102 degrees F that day, Dad went inside Walmart to wait for me, Murphy in tow. After navigating my way through an intriguing menu system, I was connected to a rep and explained what had happened. “Ma’am, is your car leaking any sort of fluid? We can’t tow a car down the road if it is leaking any type of fluid,” I was informed. “Uh…I’m pretty sure it has all leaked out by now. Just send the towtruck to the Walmart lot.” “We need the exact address of Walmart. You don’t know the address? Aren’t you at Walmart? Can you ask someone? Yes, I will stay on the line while you go inside and ask someone.” What I had forgotten was that our cell phones never work inside Walmart. Sure enough, shortly after I stepped inside, the call was dropped. I placed the call again, this time armed with Walmart’s all-important address. I did not mention any fluid leakage, and neither did the new call-center person who answered this time. The arrangements were soon made. As soon as I hung up, my cell phone rang again. This time is was UltraDad. “Murphy and I got kicked out of Walmart,” he grumped. “We are at the car.” Soon I was at the car also. UDad does not tolerate hot weather very well, so I suggested he go inside and get a cool drink while Murphy and I waited for the truck. He accepted with alacrity, and I got Murphy a drink of the water I always have with me, and found him a patch of shade. It was nearly 1/2 hour before the tow truck showed up. It turned out that the only way he could get into position to load our car onto his truck was to block both lanes of Walmarts traffic, both entering and exiting the parking lot. There were some ( actually quite a few) very excited car-fulls of people lined up on either side of us before we were done, but done we finally were.
At the other end of town we were dropped off at Chuck’s Oil City, where they kindly said they would work us in. Meanwhile, we walked to a nearby Wendy’s and got a little lunch, which we ate sitting on a curb under a tree in their parking lot. There sure is a lot of anit-dog prejudice in this world, particularly in eating establishments. Then it was back to Chuck’s waiting room to…...uh…wait. At least Murphy was allowed in here to wait with us in semi-airconditioned comfort. Finally, about 4 P.M. we got the news. We were lucky. The problem was a stuck thermostat, which had been replaced. We were ready to go, and go we did.
Outside of a few bathroom stops for me and Murphy and another one for food, we made good time. But what with losing the hour when we hit Idaho, it was 11 P.M. when we finally walked in the door of the place we used to call home. In some ways, it seemed I had never been away.
Well, I think that is enough excitement for one post. I am all excited just remembering it. I guess the rest will have TO BE CONTINUED

Serially Yours,
UltraMom

Why did I think my life would slow down when I didn’t have the kids around? Maybe it will still happen, but for this week, at least, I have been crazy busy.
Some of it is my own fault, that is, of my own doing. I seem to have become rather obsessed of late with PLANTS. I can hardly go into any store but what a 6 pack of petunias or pansies leap into my shopping cart and insist on coming home with me. Occasionally it is vegetable plants or even a bush, but once brought home they all require, at some point, being planted and cared for. The seeds that I planted in my garden, donated by the always generous Crash before he left, have all sprouted and are doing great, esp the radishes. I know what you are thinking: even an idiot can grow radishes. Touche.
I also am now involved with WeightWatcher meetings two nights a week. I enjoy them up to a point, but sometimes wish I didn’t have to go, esp since I have to weigh myself every time I do! But it is always fun once I get there, and so motivating to see people turning their lives around.
Since UltraDad works such long and hideous hours, I try to be a caring wife and have his meals ready on time and a lunch packed, even if its only a tub of margerine. ( This story is in a prevous post; the name of it escapes me at the moment.) And, of course, I like to spend time with him when I can.
And let me tell you, WORK, that 4-letter word has really been taking up my time lately!
I don’t know if you have been following my randomly posted prison store sagas, but let me bring you up to speed on current employees. You may remember that Carlos and Sean both left rather unceremoniously and without warning. It prison jargon, they were “rolled up” and sent to “the hole”, solitary confinement in a bigger prison. They were accused by association, but both will now soon be out on parole. Joe, my store clerk who REALLY spoiled me is now gone also. Joe was a very organized person and streamlined a lot of our store procedures such as distribution and ordering. He transferred to another minimum security facility so be closer to his chronically ill mother, and because, quite frankly, he really needed a change. So now I have Matt, a young black man who is very smart and very personable. I also have Ricky, an older white guy who has spent nearly 20 years in prison for a bad DUI accident. He is hardworking and has a strong faith. In all those years, he has never had a “write up” (like a demerit), very unusual. We miss Joe and his skills, but we are doing okay. That is, we do all right when the computer is functioning. Lately, this has been an elusive dream. The technology support group now recognizes my voice from frequent phone calls.
The other day, I was looking at my antiquated computer equipment and commented on the fact that my keyboard was missing some standard keys, like ESC and CTRL. As Matt and I discussed the matter, it suddenly dawned on me: “Of course! This is a PRISON keyboard! No ESCAPE and no CONTROL!” Matt laughingly agreed with me. Latter when I was on the phone with Eddie, the main technology guy, I mentioned my “theory to him”.
“It is a dumb terminal,” he informed me humorlessly. “And it does have a ESCAPE key. Its just labeled SYS/AN (or something like that).” Well, he wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, esp. about the “dumb computer”. Actually, this computer is downright stupid!
I steadfastly attempted to plow through my work, with the computer taking up to 2 minutes to respond to a single keystroke. Then when I would nearly have an inmate purchase completed, I would get the dreaded flashing red error message and I would be down again. This went on for several days, and noone seemed to be able to find the problem. One inmate, a young Asian man, offered to come into the store and fix the computer for me. It seemed he had his own computer business “on the streets.” Finally, it was determined that the UPS or Uninteruptable Power Supply was being interrupted. Frequently. It was an ugly business; lots of inmates had money, but I couldn’t help them spend it. The last time I worked, however, things seemed to be getting a little better, and I vowed to never again complain or shout unseemly epithets at the computer if it was merely running at a snail’s pace. Naturally, my vow was soon forgotton.
Today I had a rather long, but interesting day. Jackson, my boss, asked me if I would like to drive 2 hours to Halfhitch Minimum Security Prison to run their store for a day. “Ms. Kelly has been on vacation and NDF (the inmates payroll) has cleared. Those guys haven’t had store in nearly two weeks and are really hurting.” Let’s see, extra hours, travel pay, and the chance to see how a different store functioned. A no-brainer as far as I was concerned. I arrived a little after 8 am and was ushered in by the officer on duty. “We really appreciate your coming, Ma’am,” he said. “You will be hailed as a hero,” he continued as he issued me two large handfulls of keys. This was a little daunting. In Calvin I had two KEYS total. “I would really like a tour of the camp,” I informed him. “And by the way, what do I need so many keys for?” I queried. (Queried…........isn’t that a great word? Sounds like kind of a cross between quarried and questioned….........and it makes you sound quite…....pretentious, if you know what I mean) “You have a lot of locks, Ma’am. And I’ll be glad to give you a tour of our facilites; right after you run the store, that is.” Okay!
Ms. Kelly’s two very proficient clerks soon showed up and helped me figure out what keys to use to gain access to the store. Their set-up is a bit different from ours. They are entirely inside, while our window (to pass out purchases) opens to the outdoors. Also, they have an ice machine that would noisily drop large quantities of ice as it was being made, startling me every time. They also have a storeroom a bit down the hall that is secured with 3 locks. As I began running the inmate “tickets”, or store purchase slips, Harry informed me that the store was low on tobacco and ramen soup. They watched me as I input the orders, helping me decide who should get and in what quantitiy they should get items that were in short supply. I suspect that most of the decisions were based on who they liked. I worked in that store for over 8 hours, but we got it done. I have NEVER run so many tickets before in one day, or had such a high dollar amount in sales.At the end of the day, the camp LT himself showed me the camp. I was thinking I saw more of the that camp than I have of the one I work at each day. I may have to remedy that….. This camp at Halfhitch is unusual in that the inmates live in small rooms, 2 to a room. They call them cells, but they have no bars. The LT told me he heard they had come from the Alaska Pipeline project. They remind me of a really old, crummy dorm room. Most of the camps, including Calvin, feature more of the bunkhouse arrangement with rows of bunk beds down each wing. One unique feature of this camp are the schulptures made of pulaskis (look it up), each containing a painted coffee can, evidently for cigarette butts. I was amused to see several ducks on the lawn; these ducks evidentally belong to the camp and all have names, the most memorable of which is AFFLECK, a large, white one. I also got to see the black fire line, where a raging fire had burned up to about 70 yards from the camp perimeter. I hear how they were told to evacuate, but were not able to leave because the fire was blocking the only road in. They hunkered down in the culinary area, and they ended up being just fin.
FInally, I’m back home. Tomorrow we leave for Idaho for a few days, where we will see some of the UltraKids, some fo the Ultrabrothers(in-law) and wifes and some UltraFriends.
I’m still hoping things may someday slow down enough so that I can try out that new fishing pole UltraDad bought me for my birthday.
UltraMom

UltraMom & Rosebush. I did not plant this one; it was already here.

Keeping first things first, I feel that I must (plus I really want to) congratulate my oldest and most distant son on his official marriage to that wonderful UltraGirl we are all so in awe of. I think the official celebrating will take place at a future date, so don’t feel left out if you weren’t invited. I’m sure you will be.
I did something today I have been putting off for two weeks; I cleaned my bathrooms and vacuumed the carpet. Okay, now you are either shrinking back in horror or nodding your head in understanding. But by now, if you have been reading these posts with any regularity whatsoever, you know that UltraMom is a bit of…okay a lot of…......a procrastinator and a clutterer as well. Anyway, I got it done; even to moving out the furniture and vacuuming behind. Even putting on the long reachy attachment and getting the little spiders out of the corners of the ceilings.
I actually planned to get all this done last Friday because one of my favorite people, my sister Panther, was coming for the weekend. But at the last moment, plans changed and I went to her place instead. She found out that my youngest and least distant son was going to be at her place for the weekend, and she didn’t want to miss that. The lure of spending time with two out of three of my favorite sons, along with one out of two of my favorite sisters proved too strong. Sister in Law Pat graciously agreed to water my plants and bring supper to the working UltraDad in my absence, so I threw(literally) some stuff in my car, and off I went.
About 1/2 hour out, Panther called on the cell. “I am in Boise. Where are you now? I worry about the reliability of your car,” she said.
“Me too, sometimes,” I confessed, “but it seems to be doing fine right now.”
“How about if I meet you in Twin Falls and we drive back together?” And that is what we did, leaving my car in a shady spot in the Twin Falls mall parking lot.
A hilarious thing had happened the night before when Jim arrived. He came in Aunt Debi’s house and heard someone calling his name: “Jim. Jiiiim!” in a high pitched voice. He looked around, but could find noone. Noone that is, but Fatz, the gigantic Siamese cat. Fatz indeed was the one saying his name in a meowy sort of way. When Debi came in, she found Jim standing still with an odd look on his face. “The cat just talked to me,” he said in wonder, “He called my by my name.” I think Johnny was a little put out; after all, he is Fatz special buddy, and Fatz has never once said, “Johnny.”
We found the boys in the swimming pool, and Johnny related how he had found himself following his Aunt Roz the other day. He honked and waved, but she did not even turn around. This led to the idea of inviting her and her family to a barbecue the next night. And while we were at it, inviting several others as well.
The next day, Saturday, was Farmer’s Market day. Panther and I went to three of them. First, we stopped at the little one in Emmett. They didn’t have a lot of tables or a lot of people, but they had great stuff and great prices. I bought several things, including a rose bush and a juniper bush. In Eagle, there was a lot more going on, and I bought some spices and a few flowers. Panther bought some really neat pies; they were 1/4 blueberry, and the rest a red berry, and the pie crust formed starts on the blue and stripes on the red to resemble an American flag. In Boise, the largest and most crowed market of them all, I bought nothing, but it was fun just looking around. Lots of people had dogs, on leash of course, and lots of kids were playing in the fountains on this very hot day. Panther treated me to lunch at a local Bistro, and we had a yummy club sandwich and some outstanding coq au vin. In fact, that girl treated my to several things, but I let her cause it was for my birthday, coming up soon.

The Flag Pie

The boys went to see the new Superman movie at the IMAX theater, but they sat way too close to get maximum enjoyment. Let that be a lesson for them.
We made a plethora of hamburgers, and nearly a plethora of corn. Also we had watermelon and cherries that Jim and Panther had picked at a local fruit orchard just the day before. Outstanding!
Anyway, only two of the invitees showed up; Stephen and Alica Beverly. Stephen went to school and played basketball with Jim, and roomed with both of the boys while going to college in Boise, so they had a good time. Roz showed up a bit later, in time for pie, but none of her family could make it. She always has some great stories to tell, however. We all ate all we could, but there was still a lot of food left over. The bad thing was that we all forgot about the left over burgers still on the grill until the next day. Johnny said they would have made lunches for him for the next week, but after sitting out all night, it seemed more prudent to dispose of them, in a humane manner, of course.
Murphy had a great time with his cousins, the spoiled adorable little dachsund, Anya, and the sweet black lab, Jazz. He and Anya have a great time competing for bones, toys and treats.
The day before, when the boys had been out and about, they had found an item that UltraDad had been searching, unsuccessfully for, for months. It was a quiver for his new bow. Jim bought it for his Dad’s birthday gift. Later that night, I called UDad to check up on him. I also asked him if we wanted me to pick up anything for him. “Not unless you can find a 2-pc quiver for my bow,” he replied. He was pretty excited when Jim told him the good news.
On Sunday, it was time for me to go home, but first we had lunch in Boise at The Macaroni Grill, a very good, lots of fun, Italian Restaurant. Jim always enjoys drawing on their butcher-paper covered dining tables, so it was a bit startling when they, at first, tried to show us to a table “sans butcher paper.” At our request, however, we got one with, and all had a good time showing off our artistic talents while we awaited our excellent meal. I got to ride in to Boise with Johnny in his very-new-to-him car; a gorgeous “ebony” Taurus. He got a great deal on it, and it should be reliable and spacious enough to get him to Nashville in safety and comfort. Cool Dog and Cool Wheels

Johnny’s Drawing. Don’t ask, cause I don’t know..except that the dog being carried off by the bird is supposed to be (but isn’t) Murphy

Jim: I believe this is Fleetwood Mac driving a Mac Truck along with a lot of other stuff, including the obligatory bird carrying off a Murphy look-alike. Also, Johnny Cash is robbing the Wells Fargo Truck, and Jim and Debi are picking cherries.

Panther is holding Jim’s drawing, and one of her own. The depiction is of a giant slug, an animal she knows I abhor. Thanks, Panthy.

“The Rabbit” This is, naturally, my drawing. Notice the artistry and movement.

Panther then drove me back to Twin Falls, and we did a bit of mall shopping before going our separate homeward ways. I really appreciated being able to go halfway with her, and we never run out of things to talk about.
I got home just in time to have dinner, (supplied by Pat) with John after he got off work. The only thing that would have made the weekend better would have been to have UltraDad there too.
It was a little sad, knowing how limited this time with my sons will be. All too soon, Johnny will be off to law school in Nashville, and Jim will be back in college in northern Idaho, so I am trying to remember to savor each moment, though sometimes I forget.
Anyway, congrats again to the UltraKids In Japan. Now, its off to bed.

UltraBob and UltraGirl the last time I saw them together. THAT was in the fall of 2002! UltraGirl is wearing the winner’s hat, as she and UBob were the winners of the Cranium game.

UltraMom

StarDate: Sunday June 18, 2006
Dear Diary,
Let me first take this occasion to wish my brother, UltraUncleDave to you, UBob, a very Happy Birthday. Hope you are doing something extremely fun and exciting.
Well, today, the sons are leaving, and I skip church to spend more time with everyone. After taking care of chores at Pat’s house, we play some more Bocci Ball and eat leftover pizza. In due time, the sons DO leave, and we talk about what to do with the rest of the day. We decide to go into Elko so that Heather and Heath can experience the Museum in Elko (it has a longer name, but I can’t remember what it is!)
There are lots of attractions, including some temporary art exhibits. The one there now consists of some pretty cool paintings done entirely with sand, mostly natural. They are largely of Arizona/Utah/New Mexico type scenes depicting natural rock arches, desert landscapes or Indian pueblos or cliff dwellings. Actually, I quite like most of them.
The more permanent displays highlight the Indian, Chinese and Basque presence in the area as well as the mining. Also, there is a small theater devoted to Bing Crosby, who owned several ranches in the area, and, if I am remembering correctly, was an honorary mayor of Elko.
But the most impressive and what really attracts most everyone’s attention is the large collection of taxidermed animals attractively displayed. I started to say “stuffed animals”, but decided that could convey an image of ribboned teddy bears rather than that of an astonishing array of once-living actual animals in a state of perpetual preservation. This was all the work of one man, apparently: Jack Wanamaker. I don’t know much about him, but one website said he was a famous taxidermist, and, apparently, quite the hunter. Anyway, Heather and Heath really took their time and enjoyed the museum, which made us very happy.
Afterwards, we took them to a tradional Basque Restaurant called Biltoki, where we were served, family style, such delicacies as lamb steak, chicken in a spicy red sauce, meatballs, and beef tongue (Heather’s favorite). Lots of fun, and way too much to eat. We took lots of it home in doggie bags.

Stardate Monday, July 19, 2006
We get Heather and Heath for one more day. Fortunately Dad is still off, but, unfortunately, I have to work. Heather makes a great lunch for everyone, and saves some for me. It is feta cheese stuffed chicken breasts, and it is amazing . When I get home from work, everyone is in the backyard , and Pat is there, back from her trip. With her is Dakota, her granddaughter, who lives in Florida, but who will be spending the summer in Nevada. Dakota is a cute 8 year old red-haired dynamo who has a way of getting what she wants. What she wants at this particular time is for someone to play Bocci Ball with her. She coerces first Uncle John, and then Heather. She is surprisingly good, with a bowling-ball-rolling technique. Pat has brought me a couple of fun books to thank me for watching her mutts. One is “Shape Walking” and includes a cute little pedometer. The other one is about organizing your home, a topic she knows I am interested in, even though I seem to have no follow-through.
When Pat and Dakota leave, Heather and Heath treat us to dinner at the local Chinese Restaurant. The food is excellent and we have a really good time. I seem to remember that Heath got kind of a strange, funny message in his fortune-cookie, but I can’t remember what it was…..........Heather, if you read this, help me out! But Heath claimed that if he didn’t eat the cookie, the fortune would not come true. I felt badly that he couldn’t eat his cookie until he confessed that he really wasn’t that fond of fortune cookies anyway.

Stardate Tuesday, June 20, 2006
All good things must come to an end, and this is the day Heather and Heath are leaving. I only hope they had as good a time as we both did, and that it is not 6 months before we see them again. Time with my kids is always a tonic for what ails me.
Also coming to an end is this Dear Diary format. It lasted just about as long as my real diary attempts always did.
Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.
Goodnight and Good luck.
UltraMom