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Okay, Dynamic Duo readers, have I kept you in suspense long enough? Unfortunately, the “cats” are still a pretty touchy subject with me. The weather is turning colder (today it is the wind), and I HATE making them stay outside when all they want in life is to come in the house and sack out on a nice soft bed.
But UtraBob agrees with his heartless father that the cats are better off outdoors. Come to think of it, UB always did have it in for the cats. I remember one summer day many years ago…...................

Little UtraBobby had learned a new skill. It was one that made him very proud and made his mother very happy also. He had FINALLY learned to use the potty chair, and was almost ready for the big commode. I believe what finally turned the tide in the “potty training” crusade was a little book about Elmer the Elephant entitled “I’m a Big Boy Now”. Over and over again my precocious son would beg to hear the tale of the smart little elephant who learned to stop going “potty” in his pants and to use the potty chair. On the last page of the book, Elmer is proudly showing off his new training pants, which had taken the place of the babyish diapers.
That was all well and good, and UB imitated his elephant hero quite successfully for a time, but he was always on the lookout for new experiences, and he decided that the ultimate would be to “go Potty” outdoors! “UltraMom” he whined, ” I have to go potty really bad right now. Can I just go potty outside?”
“No, Honey. We are only two steps from the house. Come on in and use your potty chair like a good boy.” UltraMom wheedled.
Well, UB gave in that time, but soon he could think of little else but the “forbidden fruit”............
Fast forward to a few days later when UltraMom was, as usual, scurrying about trying, but failing, to actually get something done. UB decided that this would be a good time to set the record straight. “I didn’t go potty outside”. he began.
“That’s good”, UM muttered distractedly.
“No, I really didn’t. And if you see some poop outside, it wasn’t me.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No, see, right over there? That poop? That wasn’t me. The cat did it.”
By now, UtraMom, while not the smartest “cookie in the book” (one of Jim’s favorite sayings to denote someone not too swift on the uptake) was beginning to have some suspicions. Especially when viewing “Exhibit A”, excrement of decidedly uncatlike proportions.
And so, little UBob got in trouble (he had to tell his dad), and the cats were saved, because, quite frankly, I didn’t believe him. And from then on, he has tried to blame all of his shortcomings on the innocent cats. I only wish he would stop sharpening his claws on the furniture and leaving dead mice laying about.

As Ever,
UltraMom

Hello Dynamic Duo readers (if there are any left)
My UltraSon has finally shamed me into posting again. There have been a couple of reasons for my long silence. First of all, I haven’t been feeling very cheery and witty. I’ll go into the reasons for that in a moment. The OTHER reason is BOOKWORM. (Thanks Kristen, and especially thank you UltraBob and UltraGirlfriend for buying me the Deluxe version for my birthday). I love the game, and I’m really good at it (that is unless I look at the ONLINE high scores, which make my 7 day marathon supergames look like chicken feed. Don’t these people have a life?), but I’m trying to ease off a little bit so that I actually get some sleep and take care of some basic housekeeping chores.
Okay, here is the reason for my great melancholy. As you all know (or at least some of you, probably), we were out of our house for a couple of weeks whilst the house was jacked up and a permanent foundation laid under it. We stayed with brother in law and wife for a couple of weeks (about 2 miles away), who were the epitome of graciousness. Of necessity, the indoor cats had to live outside, along with the house plants. I came and spent as much time with them as I could so they wouldn’t be too confused and lonely. Well, a few days before it came time to move back, my husband informed me that the cats were NOT coming back into the house. He has never liked cats in the house, and this seemed like, since they had two weeks to get used to it, a perfect oppportunity to make the switch. So, I have been EXTREMELY upset, and am only now, after a couple of weeks, starting to speak civilly to him again. I happen to LIKE the cats in the house. Let me tell you about my little darlings. Brenda has been with us since UB’s sister was 12 years old, and she’s now 25. You do the math. She is old, and kind of sick, and drools all the time, (the cat, not the sister) except for a few days after her periodic steroid shot. Brenda is a tortoiseshell color. That in itself should make you stick up for her, UB, as partial as you are to turtles! Toby, a large black & white neutered “tom” is missing half of one of his front legs from an accident with an automobile fan belt (we think). We raised him from a kitten. He isn’t a very nice cat, but he’s interesting. UB has a grudge against him ever since the time Toby tired to remove Bob’s face, but I’m sure that Bob provoked him, probably by looking at him the wrong way. Polly is my favorite. She is also a tortoiseshell, but much younger than Brenda. She has such a sweet personality, and loves attention and petting. If you don’t pet her, she will pet herself on any part of your body that she can reach, such as face, arms, etc. So, since the dog (Frankie) died about a month ago, I have NO pets in my house. (the fish haven’t been moved back in yet, and they don’t count anyway).
Well, I take that back. We often have brother in law’s dog Buddy. Everybody loves Buddy, a large affectionate dog with the most serious tale I have ever encountered. That tail can do some serious damage in the wrong place at the right time. When Buddy’s “mom and dad” leave , he often goes visiting. And right now, I have the other brother in law’s old Cocker Spaniel dog “Chewie” (short for Chewbacca from Star Wars fame). I am babysitting Chewie for a couple of days while his owners are gone for a few days .For the whole two weeks that we stayed with the brother in law, Chewie barked at me everytime he saw me. Even if I just left the room and came back. Even if CHEWIE left the room and came back. So, sister in law thought this would be a good bonding experience for Chewie and me. This dog is NOT used to being left, and really acted bizarre for a while tonight after being dropped off. He must have circled thru the house 20 times, then spilled his food all over the floor, came over for a marathon petting session, and has FINALLY lain down for a nap. Whew! It’s almost like having a kid around!
Okay, back to the cats. As you can tell, DOGS in the house are okay. Cats are not. And here’s the worst part: UltraBob agrees with his dad. Sure, the litter box can get a little smelly, and the cats sharpened their claws on a little furniture and occasionally had an “accident” (though not NEARLY as many as Frankie, the dog), and they sometimes jumped on the table or counter if you left your food laying around, but I just like having them around. They have so much personality and are a lot of company, and enless sources of entertainment. And they WANT in, and make me feel so badly when I have to shut the door in their little faces. I’m worried about when the weather turns cold. And it takes me forever to feed them now, cause I have to stand around and guard them while they eat so that the wild, real outdoor cats don’t steal all of their food away. Yes, I DO feed the other cats; but I feed MY cats better food, and the rascals know it.
So, come on and tell me how you feel, that is if you aren’t a traitor like my UltraSon. Okay, I want to know how you feel anyway, even if you don’t agree with me, though I’m sure that you do.
Meanwhile, Chewie and I are getting along famously, as long as he is sleeping.
TTFN
UltraMom