.........Hello Everyone!
I have been reminded by my eldest son that I have a responsiblity to my public, and I apologize for my neglect in posting. But you see, I have been busy having a BIRTHDAY, that largely went unnoted by my offspring. Said eldest son is now back in my good graces, however, after spending a delightful hour with me on the phone today (2 days late, but who’s counting?)
Okay, if you must know, UltraMom is a VERY youthful 49 years of age. I know that sounds like a “made-up” age, but if I was going to do that, I would pick 39, wouldn’t I? So, yes, next year will be the half century mark, and I shall expect lots of cards and letters and chocolate on July 11, 2004.
My birthday was actually VERY nice. Not as interesting as a certain boy’s 10th birthday, but, I think, just as pleasant in its own way. My sister Francie and husband Neil sent me a HUGE balloon bouquet to my workplace , so that EVERYONE knew that it was a special day. When I stood next to it, it was 2 feet taller than I was. My co-workers gave me a gift and bought pizza for lunch, and my Avon Lady even stopped by with an adorable framed print of 3 mischievous cats.
Birthdays seem to bring out the child in me, for good or bad. And in my family, we always made a BIG deal over birthdays. You were the QUEEN (or king) for the day, and woe to anyone who failed to do your bidding. Well, a little girl who came in the bank where I work asked me if she could have a balloon. Of course the mature, grown up thing to do would have been to say “Of Course, Honey! Which one would you like?” But they were MY balloons and it was MY birthday. I’m afraid the words that came out of my mouth were “No”. Short and to the point, right? But did the kid get the message? The next question she asked was “Why?” With childlike simplicity I spoke the truth. “Well, they are my Birthday Balloons, and I want them all to take home.” With a shrug and an “oh”, she turned away. I think it made sense to her, and she seemed satisfied with the explanation. But later, when I could hardly cram all the balloons into my car, and I couldn’t even see out of my rear view mirror, I thought that perhaps I had been a little hasty (and greedy).
My sister Debi (who lives on the Boise end of Idaho) and her 16 years old son Michael actually arrived at my home before I did, and Debi made me a delicious dinner of chicken, corn on the cob, baked red potates, and strawberry shortcake (AND chocolate!) She also had some really fun gifts for me, including a cute lemonade pitcher with 4 tall glasses and stirring sticks. My husband John did QUITE well in picking out the pedometer I had been asking for, and also picked up a good Audiobook on CD and some interesting herbal teas. AND I had phone calls from both of my brothers, and one of my sons. Johnny came home for Friday and Saturday, and that was the best of all. Really, a PERFECT day.
Saturday was lovely as well. We found a bicycle to borrow for my sister, and we took a 14 mile bike ride! We ended up riding into the town of Howe (about 7 miles from my house), where I had the idea that we should stop for a refreshing soda. Unfortunately, I hadn’t the foresight to bring any MONEY, but that is the beauty of living in a small town. Do you remember the old PopEye cartoons where Wempy (sp?) always said “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”? Well, that is the line I used, more or less, and we had our refreshing sodas after all. Hope I can remember to go back over and pay for them some day….............. Later on, my husband had the idea for us all (me, him, Johnny, Debi and Michael) to go on a little adventure to a place called Barney Hot Springs. It is way out in the middle of nowhere, about an hour + from our house. As the name would suggest, it is a small body of water fed by a thermal spring, where the water is always of a pleasant swimming temperature. But its main claim to fame is that years ago, someone emptied their aquarium into the water, and it is full of fish. Years ago, when I was first married, the fish were really neat; beautiful guppies, platies and swordtails, and I caught fish for my own aquarium several times. But now, they are all kind of ugly, greenish cichlids of some kind. You can see an occasional white one, but the variety of years ago is GONE. We brought bread and old cereal and enjoyed throwing in crumbs and watching the “feeding frenzy”. It is pretty mossy and scummy, and it doesn’t really appeal to me as a swimming hole, though I have done that in the past. This time, we just waded in a bit and sat on some logs that are all that remains of some larger structure that was there at one time. When we first arrived, there was an older couple swimming, who were camping in the vicinity, but they were just getting out, and left soon after. I grudgingly have to admit they had as much right to be there as we did, but I was glad when we had the place to ourselves. (It was still kind of my birthday, after all…..........) We also practiced our rock skipping, at which I am sorely out of practice. But my sister threw one that skimmed across the water 7 or 8 times. A properly skipped rock is really a thing of beauty! We continued on a scenic drive to the town of Challis, where we had dinner at Antonio’s Pizza and Pasta, and arrived back home after midnight. Whew! I am getting too old to have adventures like that very often, I think!
Today, all of my balloons except the mylar ones have lost their helium, so I cut the mylar ones free to roam the ceilings of the house. Now this is really interesting….. when the swamp cooler is turned on, those balloons seem to ride an air current that circles them around the house in a predictable pattern. One of their stops is the form of my sleeping husband as he lays napping on the day bed in the living room because it is the coolest place to lay down in the hot part of the day. The poor man would kind of stir and feebly bat at the offending balloon, but not wake up enough to really figure out what was going on. But, you know, out here in Rural America, we have to find our entertainment where we can…....
Okay, I know what you REALLY wanted were more embarrasing stories about my children, and believe me, there are a few more I can tell. But this is MY birthday (month), so until I am feeling a little more reasonable and not quite so self-centered, I will write about what I feel like writing about. And don’t even think about asking me for one of my balloons.
UltraMom
UltraMom, you should be carrying us through my creative drought with your embarrassing stories of my childhood which have so caused our number of visitors to rise. You are a star now, and you can’t really be letting your public down like this. We expect a post here soon, and you can tell my stories. i don’t really mind, but i will whine, complain, and threaten in the comments. I have nothing to hide
Sorry I’ve been so remiss in posting here. I’m experiencing extreme creative block or writer’s block or something. Anyway, I was asked to beta test the TypePad service, and so I have set up a blog that is just like a daily diary for me. Should be very boring, although Mom might like to read it to see what I’m doing from time to time. Anyway, from now until the beta test is over, I’m posting daily UltraBob’s life entries at ultrabob.typepad.com
First of all, I’d like to welcome my favorite nephew as a reader. Thanks, Billie, for your pithy comments, your golfing encouragement, and good luck on your bar exam. We recently were able to attend the wedding of said favorite nephew to a wonderful girl, Brandi, also a law school graduate; and it will be useful, I think, to have 2 attorneys in the family. No particular reason.
Now, I would just like to say that when UltraBob first recruited me as a “guest DuoPerson” that he said I could write about ANYTHING I wanted. But he has done nothing but nag, criticize and threaten me with bodily harm. All because my choice of topic hasn’t been…shall we say…....always very flattering to certain people. At least that was his opinion; I thought I was fondly relating adorable childhood foibles. After his last threat “Will Be SHOT”, I went into hiding, moving from place to place, and only confiding in a very few trusted friends. But since I have run out of money (and food) I have decided to be brave and take a stand. With moral support from my new best friends Kirsten and “The Cook”, and the fact that there is an ocean between UltraMom and UltraBob for the present, I have decided to give the people what they want. My public has a right to know!
The Birthday Party.
Chapter 1:”Lets Have a Party!”
“Oh, UltraMom, I will soon be 10 years old. Could I please have a sleepover birthday party with all of my friends to celebrate this momentous event?” wheedled UltraBob.
“Well, Son,” said Ultramom uncertainly, “Lets not forget about your unfortunate habit. No, not that one. The one where you suddenly get up in the middle of the night without waking up and proceed to walk about the house in an agitated manner, and have no memory of it in the morning.”
“Oh, Mom, you worry too much. Come on, lets make the plans. I want to invite everyone in my class at school, all 10 of them. And we can have party games, and ice cream sundaes. It will be such fun!”
“Well, all right, Honey, but only the boys can spend the night. No, I’m pretty firm on this one.”
“Well, okay”, sighed UltraBob, “But I like the girls better, especially Melanie.”
Chapter 2: A Little Background Information
The big day arrived, and the party was soon to begin. UltraMom had left no stone unturned to make sure that this birthday would be one to remember. The party was to be held in the “Log Building”. This was an addition to the trailor house that the family lived in built out of, of all things, LOGS. It contained a small room, that was, or soon would be, UltraBob’s bedroom, and a larger room that was to be the bedroom of the UltraParents. At this time there was no bed there, just some couches and a few chairs. A freestanding woodburning stove with a fan attached, was one of the main attractions, primarily because it was the only source of heat. And UltraBob had the temerity to be born in January, in the middle of Idaho’s winter, which is usually quite a cold and snowy time of year.
Chapter 3: The Party
The big day arrived, January 5! The school bus stopped in front of the house, and a jolly collection of boys and girls trouped of the bus, noisily anticipating some birthday fun. The party went pretty well; UltraBob got a lot of cool presents, and everyone seemed to enjoy the party games that UltraMom had gone to so much trouble to plan (it is NOT her forte) The party goers enjoyed the hot dogs, chips and soda and the big tub of ice cream (on which UltraMom had clevery written “Happy Birthday Bob” with a frosting tube, and in which she had stuck 10 lighted candles). Finally to Bob’s dismay, it was time to take the girls home, and the boys rolled out their sleeping bags and prepared to stay awake all night.
Chapter 4: The Unfortunate Habit
UltraMom was concerned that the boys might get cold, so she had REALLY stoked up the fire before leaving the boys alone for the night. FINALLY the hulabaloo seemed to somewhat subside, and she decide she had better have one more look in to make sure the fire was still going.
It was still going all right. That place was like a furnace. All the boys were asleep, but the sleeping bags were open wide, everyone had stripped down to their underwear, and noone was in any danger of contracting pneumonia. UltraBob and his best friend Gregg were both on the couch. At least Bob and HALF of Gregg were on the couch. When an effort was made to make his position a little more secure, Gregg fell off onto the floor, where he continued to doze happily. But UltraBob suddenly jumped up from his bed of slumber in alarm. UltraMom, who was a little more than alarmed herself, followed him as he frantically went into his bedroom as if he just had to find something. He opened drawer after drawer, frantically pawing through the items until, finally, he triumphantly found the object of his quest: a pair of undershorts. Quickly, he slipped the underwear over his head, with his head out one leghole. He expertly shot one arm out the other, and became very perturbed when there was no hole left for his other arm. There was no reasoning with him, and at last UltraMom kindly and lovingly led him to the bathroom where there was a mirror, so that he could see for himself how ridiculous he looked. Well, that did the trick. UltraBob tore the offending underwear off over his head and allowed himself to be led back to the Birthday Room couch where he slept peacefully til morning, at which time he had no recollection of the evening’s activities.
Chapter 5: Happily Ever After
And so, UltraBob was ever so grateful to his wonderful mother for the fabulous birthday party and for all the other kind and generous things she was always doing to make him happy, and he promised to never shoot her, and never get mad at her when she used a little creative license (but only a little) to relate cute little childhood incidents, because he knows that she loves him very much.
The End
No, Seth, unfortunately I have neither the patience nor the “strategy” for chess. But I admire those who do. Lately I have been enjoying playing “TEXT TWIST” and “BESPELLED” on the MSN Game Zone. I really like to play most games, but, unfortunately, usually can find no one to play them with! (Unless Johnny is home; last weekend we played “Uno Attack” and “You Don’t Know Jack”. Lots of fun!)
YDKJ is lotsa fun, and I sometimes play Uno Attack with some of my more arrogant/advanced students. MSN Game Zone? could microsoft actually be good for something? i’ll have to investigate…
You having made this story public will someday cost me the presidency of the United States of America, but I forgive you in advance.
UltraBob
UM, you might enjoy Bookworm. Only play if you have a lot of free time; it’s very hard to stop. http://www.popcap.com/gamepopup.php?theGame=bookworm
UB, you can’t be President because I’ll have been elected before you and will have declared myself Empress of the United States. However, you can be my court jester, if you like.
How interesting, Kirsten! “Bookwarm” is the exact same game as “Bespelled”! Except that Bespelled has a little Witch sitting where the Bookworm sits. You know, when I first started playing MSN’s games, they used to be POP.CAP games (and also, load much faster than they do now). I see that Bookworm also offers a Deluxe Download. THANKS!
Your Pal UltraMom
หวัดดี
yes, it’s german, and it means “happy birthday”